Dove with Branch
April 3, 2006 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Hello,

Welcome! - Dean Van Leuven

The phone seminar this week is: Can Anger Bring Happiness? Many feel that it takes anger to motivate them to do the things they want to accomplish in life. Some feel they need anger to defend themselves in unpleasant situations. We will discuss how we can accomplish even more in those same situations by not getting angry. How we can accomplish more in our life when we are motivated by our positive emotions.

We have added a new feature to our phone seminars. To make them more accessible you can schedule them at your convenience for any day Monday through Thursday after 5:30 PM Pacific Time by calling 800-359-6015 or e-mailing drdean@lifewithoutanger.com at least 24 hours in advance to arrange a scheduled time.

Remember: You can subscribe to the newsletter and get two free phone seminars.

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Ask the Dean?
  Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I have a friend who is always late for appointments. We make a date for lunch and I end up waiting twenty or thirty minutes before she arrives. She always promises that she will be on time. Do you have any suggestions that will help me deal with this? I want to keep her friendship. - Tired of Waiting

Dear Tired of Waiting, Your boy friend does have a legal right not to leave a tip. It is not however socially acceptable, and it is appropriate for you to want to leave something if he does not. Of greater concern is the fact that he does not accept your leaving a tip as okay and tells you that he is in control. You have a right to respond in your way just as he has. I would resolve this problem quickly before I continue a relationship with him. If he is going to be the boss and tell you what to do, and that is not what you want this will make your relationship very unpleasant at best. If you want to be an equal in the relationship my advice is to establish that quickly or terminate the relationship. - the Dean

Dear Dean, We have been married for nearly five years. Each holiday my husband insists that we have dinner at his family home. I tell him that I would be happy if we take turns but he says he doesn't enjoy dinner with my family. How can I get him to have holiday dinners with my family half of the time? - B.J. in Idaho

Dear B.J., You may not be able to get him to go to your family but that shouldn't stop you from going. If you feel strongly that you should share the dinners and he refuses you should go alone. If you give in to his demands for the sake of the marriage then you will not have the kind of relationship you desire. If you want a relationship that is equal and he wants to be boss then something needs to change. Try to work with him to find an answer but just letting him tell you what to do is not good unless you want it that way and obviously you don't.- the Dean

Send your Ask the Dean Questions to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Over the centuries we have fought many wars in the name of freedom. People become convinced that someone is controlling, or trying to control their freedom and they are willing to go to war to gain, or protect it. We think of freedom as a circumstance of our life rather than a quality of life.

When we see ourselves as free then we are free, regardless of the circumstances of our condition. When we think we are free, then we refuse to be subjugated by anyone or anything. We can even be free when we are in jail if we are there because we have chosen the acts that put us there. Freedom is a state of mind not a circumstance of life.

Freedom is a quality of life that others cannot give or take away. It is the nature of who we are. We choose to be free or not, and are only subjugated when we accept not being free. Just because others in the past have accepted not being free does not mean that we must. We loose our freedom whenever we try to take it away from others. When we as individual humans truly embrace freedom, then war will no longer exist.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Like a fan at a basketball game we tend to judge life from the point of view of the team we are rooting for. Even when we can't see clearly what happened we tend to think any close decision in favor of the other team was incorrectly made. If it goes our way however we have no doubt that it was the right call. We tend to use this kind of biased thinking in our own lives as well.

When we become the observer of our own thoughts and actions we want to be like the referee. Our job is to be as objective as we can and call things they way they really are. Be open to being wrong, but you should believe you made the best call and go with it. If your opinion proves to be wrong be quick to recognize it and change the call. Be willing to make a different call the next time you are faced with the same situation.

Remember, how you feel about what is happening depends on which side you are rooting for. Try to be objective, no labels and no judgments. Don't let yourself be tricked by your own prejudices and biases.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: When I get angry the first thing I want to do is get over it. I do not want to act out of anger.

Tuesday: When whenever I get angry I always ask myself why I got angry.

Wednesday:Whenever I make a poor choice I always ask myself, "What choice would be better than the one I chose?"

Thursday: Whenever I get angry I always ask myself, "What belief do I have that is the cause of my anger?"

Friday: When I get angry I determine what I have to do so that I will not react with anger the next time the same thing happens.

Saturday: When I am no longer angry I examine my beliefs to see what caused my anger.

Sunday: Each time I no longer respond with anger I appreciate myself for being able to change.

Additional Notes
 

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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