Dove with Branch
June 26, 2006 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Hello! - Dean Van Leuven

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Ask the Dean?
  Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My son will be going to school next year. I am concerned about the access he has to drugs through his friends, both at school and on the street. What can I do to keep him from using drugs? - Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother, You are your child’s teacher. You should teach him to love, trust and care about himself enough that he will not have a need to try drugs. He needs to realize the value of his own life and the consequences of poor choices. He needs to be aware of the negative effects of drugs. Most of all he needs to have a positive vision for his life that will make drugs seem a potential hazard that he will not want to risk. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I saw a letter from Worried about the Future in a prior column where she was concerned because her fiancée wanted to do “boy things” and didn’t much care for doing things together. I think that is great. If my mate is content doing his own things, then I have the freedom to do my things. I think it is good that he has his own life. - Independent Gal

Dear Independent Gal, If you both want it that way that’s wonderful! You don’t have a problem, unless one of you feels a need for more togetherness in the relationship than the other is comfortable to give. Neither way is right or wrong. Personally I like togetherness with independence and so does my spouse. Don’t expect someone to like it the way you do. Instead find someone who likes it the way you do. If you are already together find a compromise, or a counselor, soon. - the Dean

Send your Ask the Dean Questions to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We often refuse to talk with foreign governments who we consider enemies or disagree with their policies. We have refused to talk with Iran for years. We did not talk with China and those behind the Iron Curtain for years. I believe this is a great mistake. If we are going to get along in this world, we need to find a way to reconcile our differences. This doesn’t happen easily when we refuse to talk to each other.

When we started talking and trading with the Eastern Bloc and with China we started finding ways to live together. When we developed common interests we began to find the need and the ways to reconcile our differences.

Not to talk only signals that we have not found a solution, and have given up trying. Even if it looks hopeless we never want to quit trying to solve our differences. When we try to solve our differences by being the prevailing bully we quit talking. When we look for solutions that solve the problem for the benefit of all, we keep talking.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

It is not the triggering event itself that produces our anger; it is what goes through our mind when prompted by the trigger. Our emotions result from our perceptions, and our perceptions result from our observations plus our preconditioning. Our preconditioning includes our belief system, the way we are trained to respond, and what already exists in our memory file (past events and judgments). Understanding what this process is and how it works helps us to be able to make changes.

We train ourselves to respond to potential anger-inducing events in a different way by learning to process information differently. Once we choose to respond in a different way, it becomes a matter of updating our operating systems with the new material so we will get new results when we receive information into our brain.

In a computer, we have to put in new information and delete the old. We do the same with our brain, but it is much more difficult to delete the old unwanted information. The more we practice this process, however, the more adept we become.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: When I get upset I ask myself, “what am I thinking that makes me upset?”

Tuesday: When I get upset at something I ask myself, “why do I think it should upset me?”

Wednesday: I ask myself if it would better not to become upset.

Thursday: I think about new ways to think about the things that are upsetting me.

Friday: I choose a new positive belief to replace the old upsetting belief.

Saturday: I focus on deleting the old way of thinking from my mind.

Sunday: I enjoy the new positive way of responding that allows me to no longer become upset.

Additional Notes
 

My Phone Seminar for this week is: Modeling Anger for your Children

Learn how to avoid sabotaging your children’s lives. Learn how to not act out anger in front of them. Discuss the consequences of your angry behavior and how you can learn to teach your children positive behaviors.

You can schedule a phone seminar for the days offered. You can schedule them at your convenience for any day Monday through Thursday between 5:30 PM and 7:30 PM Pacific Time by calling 800-359-6015 or e-mailing drdean@lifewithoutanger.com at least 24 hours in advance to arrange a scheduled time.

The price is $15.00 for a one hour seminar. If you subscribe to my free newsletter “Insights from the Dean of Peace” you are entitled to two free phone seminars to use at your convenience.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number and I will be happy to send them the information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

Remember if you want the free e- book and phone seminars you must subscribe to this newsletter at the website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

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