Dove with Branch
April 16, 2007 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Hello! - Dean Van Leuven

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My wife’s brother lost his job and his home. He came to live with us until he could get back on his feet again. Fortunately he is single. He has been here three months. He doesn’t look for work. He doesn’t help with the housework. He goes out late and he comes home drunk. He shouts at our children for making so much noise. We can’t throw him out on the street. How can we get him to leave? - Donald in Arizona

Dear Donald, I am assuming he has no family or friends, other than you, who are willing to help. That would be no great surprise. Of course you really could throw him out if you wanted too; but you are a caring person who is willing to help family who are willing to help themselves. If you want to help more, offer counseling and conditions that must be met to stay. If you don’t want to invest any more, or need to be free of the negative energy, then set a date for him to leave. You could even find him a room and pay the first month if you can’t throw him out. A decision to spend your resources and energy on helping those who will benefit may result in your choosing to help others instead of your brother-in-law. – the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband smokes in the house. Not only does he set a bad example for our children, he stinks up the house. Secondhand smoke is not good for our health. How do we get him to stop smoking? – Tami in Burbank

Dear Tami, Unless he made an agreement with you not to smoke before you married, shouldn’t the question be, “How do we get him to stop smoking in the house?” He has a right to smoke. He doesn’t have a right to make you expose yourself to it. You could all leave the house; or even the marriage, but hopefully you can find a better solution. If he is unwilling to go outside, or into a certain room alone, you are left with a difficult choice. Look for alternatives until you find the one that works for you. – the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Peace can only come from within the individual. Peace cannot be imposed on people. No matter how enlightened some concept or philosophy may seem if it is not embraced by most individuals it will not create peace. It is the nature of humans to resist the things they do not understand or accept. If a concept is not accepted by society then that concept will not survive peacefully because we humans will continue to resist what we do not accept of our own free will. Thus the great revolutions we see in our history.

However true this is, it remains the nature of mankind to seek peace. To humans, love feels good, and fear and anger feel bad. We grew up in a world where the strong have dominated the weak. In our early society, before we had laws, strength; either individually, or that of the community or nation was the way we survived. Tribes banded together for their survival. Other tribes who were more aggressive banded together to provide for themselves by taking from the weaker and less aggressive tribes.

As our society evolved we saw that great power as well as wealth was to be desired. However, as we evolved intellectually we came to realize that those in power tended to look out for their own self-interests rather than those of the group. As people became more aware they refused to accept the leader of power. As the people became strong enough they began to overthrow their abusive leadership and replace it with leadership, whose power is derived from the consent of the governed. That process is still going on today in many parts of the world. It is still being perfected and improved everywhere it exists as the people grow more in awareness. Gradually those governments who want to take power over their own, or other people, by force are finding it more difficult to do so.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Personal Peace comes from the way we view and respond to the world around us. Our own personal world and the way we feel about it is determined by the way we chose to respond rather than by what actually happens to us.

Whatever happens is simply what happens. How we choose to view it is determined by our own personal belief system, the way we look at things, and how we feel about all of the stuff that has happened to us in the past. How we feel, and how we respond to something always comes from our own personal choice that we make at the moment the event or thought occurs to us.

Most of us have learned to judge events as either good or bad and respond accordingly. This is the way our parents and the world have taught us how to deal with things. We are taught that we are supposed to feel bad, or angry, when certain things happen. Too often we make a judgment that things are bad and then respond from our negative emotions, instead of being able to calmly think about what happened before we choose how to respond.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how your beliefs are created out of your teaching and experiences.

Tuesday: Think about how you would feel if your beliefs did not cause you to be upset.

Wednesday: Think about the beliefs you have about your family that you would like to change.

Thursday: Think about the beliefs you have about your work that you would like to change.

Friday: Think about the beliefs you have about your community and your country that you would like to change.

Saturday: Think about the beliefs you have about yourself that you would like to change.

Sunday: Resolve that when your beliefs are upsetting, you will find a new belief to replace them.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

My Phone Seminar for this week is: Choosing a Life

It is time to reflect and decide what we want the rest of our life to be like. Learn about the skills you need to make the best choices for your life. Even more important; learn how to bring your personal dreams into being.

You can schedule a phone seminar for the days offered. You can schedule them at your convenience for any day Monday through Thursday between 5:30 PM and 7:30 PM Pacific Time by calling 800-359-6015 or e-mailing drdean@lifewithoutanger.com at least 24 hours in advance to arrange a scheduled time.

The price is $15.00 for a one hour seminar. If you subscribe to my free newsletter “Insights from the Dean of Peace” you are entitled to two free phone seminars to use at your convenience.

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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