Dove with Branch
April 28, 2008 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Hello!
 
Some of you will be  getting  your newsletter  early this week as  I will be attending my no-limit granddaughter's wedding.

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I work for a large distribution company. There is a co-worker that is always telling sexual jokes in my presence. I enjoy being around him except when he is telling those terrible jokes. I don't want to cause any problems for him, but I want him to stop the jokes. I have told him to please stop. He just thinks it's funny and continues. How can I get him to stop without getting him angry with me? - Geraldine in Tucson

Dear Geraldine, It seems he hasn't really heard your message. So improve the telling and find a way to improve his listening. Be friendly but assertive. Let him know that "dirty jokes" are not okay with you. Tell him you value his friendship. Let him know that they are really hurtful and that not telling them is an essential part of your friendship. Ask him to do it as a personal favor, make the problem yours and not his and perhaps he will be more caring. If he cares he will be more helpful. If this doesn't work consider taking a more assertive approach and have the two of you sit down with your supervisor to resolve the matter. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I keep my house clean. I do not allow anyone to wear shoes in the house. My children often forget about this rule. They play in the yard and get dirty and then track dirt into the house and they allow their friends to wear shoes even when they take their own off. I keep telling them but they never pay attention. What should I do? - Helen in Santa Barbara

Dear Helen, It seems to me that you have a bigger problem than dirt. You need to find a way to get your children to pay attention to the rules. Explain the rule, the reason for the rule, and what the consequences are. Then when the rule is violated, lovingly enforce the consequences without fail. I suggest that you include cleaning up the mess as part of the consequences. Empty threats and displays of anger are generally not effective and tend to create negativity in your relationship with your child. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

As a people we have embraced the idea of an end to warfare and that we would like to live in peace. But at the same time we have not accepted the idea that our world can be peaceful. We see it as a world where we are all competing for limited resources and if we don't prevail; we won't survive. We believe in survival of the fittest so we see life as a struggle to survive.

If we stop and reflect for a moment we will realize that we are using much of those "limited resources" just for the struggle. We use about half of our national resources in this country just to support our fight for survival (supremacy) as a nation. We make our legal system an adversarial system and give half the resources (money) to the warriors (lawyers). If we could just double our available resources by learning to get along with each other, and find peaceful resolutions to our problems we could double the standard of living for everyone! The petroleum we use to support our military could be used to solve our current gasoline supply problem.

When we can't think beyond our present need for preservation we don't do a good job of providing for the future. Let's look more for solutions that will enrich our quality of life. Let's be more open to change. We know things aren't working exactly the way we want them to be. Let's be more respectful of others, they are trying to solve the same problems. They are just working with a different vision. Let's create a new common vision and work on it together.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Personal Peace comes from the way we view and respond to the world around us. Our own personal world and the way we feel about it is determined by the way we chose to respond rather than by what actually happens to us.

Whatever happens is simply what happens. How we choose to view it is determined by our own personal belief system, the way we look at things, and how we feel about all of the stuff that has happened to us in the past. How we feel, and how we respond to something always comes from our own personal choice that we make at the moment the event or thought occurs to us.

Most of us have learned to judge events as either good or bad and respond accordingly. This is the way our parents and the world have taught us how to deal with things. We are taught that we are supposed to feel bad, or angry, when certain things happen. Too often we make a judgment that things are bad and then respond from our negative emotions, instead of being able to calmly think about what happened before we choose how to respond.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how your beliefs are created out of your teaching and experiences.

Tuesday: Think about how you would feel if your beliefs did not cause you to be upset.

Wednesday: Think about the beliefs you have about your family that you would like to change.

Thursday: Think about the beliefs you have about your work that you would like to change.

Friday: Think about the beliefs you have about your community and your country that you would like to change.

Saturday: Think about the beliefs you have about yourself that you would like to change.

Sunday: Resolve that when your beliefs are upsetting, you will find a new belief to replace them.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

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