Dove with Branch
December 15, 2008 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am the quality control supervisor for a large company. I am an expert in quality control as I have studied and worked in the field for years. I was chosen for my skills. The problem is that when I institute new plans that will improve quality the employees always resist them and we end up with the opposite result. What can I do to get my employees to go along with me? - Jim in KS

Dear Jim, If your job is to be a quality control supervisor you have only learned half of the job. As a supervisor your task includes getting the work done efficiently. This means you must get the other employees to buy into your ideas for change. That is part of your job. Start by liking them and appreciating their point of view and warming them to the task by getting them to understand the advantages for the changes you suggest. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband's mother frequently makes bigoted remarks in our home in front of our children. When I ask her to stop she says that it is just the way she believes, and keeps on making the bigoted remarks. How should I deal with this situation? I am considering not allowing her to come into my home. - Wendy in TX

Dear Wendy, Bigoted remarks are not appropriate in a loving world and we should not leave the impression that they are.. Since your mother-in-law comes to your home I assume she has a loving relationship with your husband which should not be discouraged. You do not need to accept the remarks as appropriate or allow them in your and your children's presence. Finding a loving way for that not to happen would be appropriate. Perhaps she can understand your concern for your children's education. A solution which drives a wedge between your husband and his mother would not be positive. Do not stop loving the messenger even if you have a problem with the message. b>- the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We have developed a habit of pursuing politics of self-interest. We fight to elect politicians and create laws that are favorable to ourselves, and the groups we belong to, regardless of the cost to others. If a politician from the party we support violates the law we overlook it. If a politician we oppose violates the law, we want to throw the book at him.

This kind of situational ethics is not a positive way to run a democracy. The basic concept of a democracy requires that we work together for the common good. We are substituting the basic idea of having a government that supports everyone, for a government that promotes our own personal interest. We think the end justifies the means.

In the long run we are not well served by promoting only our self-interest. This will result in a society that is stressful and in constant turmoil. We can't be peaceful unless we are fully considerate of the needs of others.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

As we grow we are taught certain ideas of how the world is - by our society, and by those around us - our parents, our teachers, and our friends. We take all of this in and form our own idea of how the world is. We then form expectations of how things should happen in order to fit with our own special idea of how the world is. When things don't happen that way; when reality doesn't match our idea of what the world is or what we think it should be; we get fearful or angry.

We need to realize that our idea of how the "world is," is only our ideal world, as we see it, not the real world at all. If what is happening in the world doesn't conform to your idea of what should be happening, then take it as a clue that your ideal world does not actually match the real world. If you could accept the idea that what is happening in the real world is appropriate for the present state of the world, then you would have nothing to be angry about.

To change the world we start by accepting it as it is.. It is a little bit like buying an old house and then fixing it up to make it our dream home. We start by accepting it for what it is now. We then go to work making it what we want it to be, and keep at it until the change is complete.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about something that a neighbor or associate does that upsets you and ask yourself why you are upset.

Tuesday: Think about this problem in relation to the bigger issue of living together in peace.

Wednesday: Think about the problem from your neighbor or associate's point of view.

Thursday: Consider possible positive solutions to the problem.

Friday: Look for a way to solve this problem to both you and your neighbor or associate's satisfaction.

Saturday: Choose the solution that you think will be the most effective.

Sunday: Implement the solution you have chosen..

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

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