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Subject: SPAM: Inner Peace Newsletter  2-23-2009

 
Dove with Branch
February 23, 2009 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk

Dear Peacemaker,

     Welcome!

This weekly newsletter is available free by subscription. All copies for the year are available on my website.

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, This is in response to Annetta in (VA 2/2/09) regarding her parent's refusal to let her get a tattoo. As parents we have the ability to stand back a see how fads come and go. For a young person it is very easy for a tattoo to be desired because it is fashionable "in the moment". My daughter is 23 and my son is almost 18, and I made it very clear to them early on that if they wanted a tattoo, or other than the normal piercing, they would have to wait until they were 18. If they still wanted them, then by all means they were now adults and could make that decision. If they no longer wanted them then they would thank me for not allowing something to be done to their bodies that they would ultimately regret. I also talked to them about how important it is to be true to themselves and that if a "friend" rejects them for being different, then they weren't really a friend. Both of my children are proud of the fact that they make their own decisions and not just follow the crowd. - A.M. in OR

Dear A.M, Thank you for your comments. I applaud your reasoning and also hoe you have handled this issue. - the Dean

Dear Dean, When I tell my husband about my problems he always gives me advice on what I should do and it makes me upset. I know he is trying to be helpful, but I can solve my own problems in my own way. I just want someone to hear my concerns. He still keeps on doing this even though he knows it upsets me. I have told him I just want him to listen without giving advice, but he does it anyway. How can I get him to stop? - Teresa in TX

Dear Teresa, If you don't want his help and you are upset when he tries to offer it, maybe you shouldn't keep telling him your problems? It might be more effective for you if you would let him offer advice, and then either use it or reject it as you see fit. Not seeking or listening to outside advice only reduces our effectiveness in dealing with a problem. It would be helpful if he could listen without giving advice, but that is his problem. Try not to make it yours by becoming upset about it. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We have developed a habit of thinking of people who have different concepts and ideas about how to solve our social problems as wrong, and we spend our time telling them how stupid they are - and how smart we are. We think we are right and they are wrong. They would be wrong if they were required to look at the world the same way we do - but they are not.

In a democracy we get to keep our beliefs - but we vote on which particular solutions we use to govern our society. This concept requires that we accept the will of the majority and protect the rights of the minority - sometimes a difficult thing to do. If we want our society to be peaceful and productive we must accept our rules without resistance. If they don't work out the way that is good for society as a whole we will get a chance to change them.

When we feel the existing rules are not working we would benefit far more by looking for new positive solutions that others will see value in - and promoting those ideas - than we would just trying to tear down the existing ways because we don't like them. If the majority wants to do things differently than you or yours do, accept it with good cheer. When we are in the majority let's always honor the other person's point of view and allow him to do things his own way as much as possible.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Personal Peace comes from the way we view and respond to the world around us. Our own personal world and the way we feel about it is determined by the way we chose to respond rather than by what actually happens to us.

Whatever happens is simply what happens. How we choose to view it is determined by our own personal belief system, the way we look at things, and how we feel about all of the stuff that has happened to us in the past. How we feel, and how we respond to something always comes from our own personal choice that we make at the moment the event or thought occurs to us.

Most of us have learned to judge events as either good or bad and respond accordingly. This is the way our parents and the world have taught us how to deal with things. We are taught that we are supposed to feel bad, or angry, when certain things happen. Too often we make a judgment that things are bad and then respond from our negative emotions, instead of being able to calmly think about what happened before we choose how to respond.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how your beliefs are created out of your teaching and experiences.

Tuesday: Think about how you would feel if your beliefs did not cause you to be upset.

Wednesday: Think about the beliefs you have about your family that you would like to change.

Thursday: Think about the beliefs you have about your work that you would like to change.

Friday: Think about the beliefs you have about your community and your country that you would like to change.

Saturday: Think about the beliefs you have about yourself that you would like to change.

Sunday: Resolve that when your beliefs are upsetting, you will find a new belief to replace them.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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