Dove with Branch
June 08, 2009 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I have a stressful job and a long difficult commute. When I get home I am tired and stressed out. My family wants my attention but I am in need of some quiet time. They seem to forget that my job is essential if they are going to have all the things that they want. How can I get them to respect my need for quiet time when I get home? - James in CA

Dear James, You explain your need to them in such a way that they will be able understand and respect it. They will wait another 30 minutes if they know you will be giving them your attention. I suggest before you do that you look at other aspects of this. The stress and tiredness from your job are self-induced, and for your own sake you would do well to change that. Being stressed means you haven't learned how to make effective emotional choices. When you are stressed you model stress and upset for your children. Maybe you will find getting rid of the stress more helpful. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband works in a dead-end job with not enough pay to provide an adequate standard of living. I am driving a ten year old car to take my kids to activities. My kids don't have the money to hang out at the mall with their friends. It is embarrassing! I tell him to get a promotion or find another job, but he is happy where he is. He says he wants to be able to enjoy the children as they grow up and this job allows him to do that. How can I motivate him to find a better job? - Louise in TX

Dear Louise, Threaten to leave him? But I wouldn't recommend that. Try considering yourself lucky to have a husband who loves his family. Try reassessing your values. You have enough to satisfy everything but your ego. If you can't find a way to be happy with what your husband is providing then find work that will provide the extra self-esteem that you need. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

When we have a conversation with someone let's start by assuming they are speaking the truth. Let's also assume that they believe fully in the rightness of their belief. Let's assume that they have valid reasons for thinking the way that they do. And finally, let's assume that we could be wrong. After all we do not possess all of the knowledge in the universe. Stop for a moment and think about how the beliefs of our society have changed as we have grown.

Since we want to be peaceful, let's decide that we would like to have a peaceful relationship with other people. Knowing how much we like to stand in our own truth let's look for a way to allow others to stand in their truth. Even if they are a racist we can allow them to exclude whomever they want from their own homes. What we cannot allow is for them to require us to do the same, or to exclude others from rights shared by all.

The best interest of each of us is tied up in the best interest of all others. Since we have an innate desire to be joyful and live in peace we will eventually learn that lesson, as will others. All we have to do is to prevent those who have not learned that lesson from taking control of our lives and messing it up for us. We need to be sure our government is ultimately controlled by us instead of those who happen to be running it. We will then eventually be able to resolve differences in a way that we can live together in peace.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

A Rule To Make Choices By: For everything that happens in our life, there are three possibilities: (1) We can change it, (2) We can leave it, or (3) We can accept it. With each event in our life we need to make this choice.

For example, consider your work. You may not be happy with it just the way it is. Is there a way you might change it to make it better? If that is not possible, then your next choice might be to leave it. That may not be possible for the present, because you may need the work in order to eat, or pay the rent. You then can choose to accept your work, or you may choose to make a plan to change to new employment in the future. If you choose to make a change later, then you need to make the decision to accept your work for now. As with all of life's experiences, if we don't find a way to make our work experience a positive one, then we are left with negative emotions in our lives. To remove any anger or other negative emotions from your life, you need to apply this principle of change it, leave it, or accept it each time you need to make a choice. The important thing is to remember that if you can't change something and are not going to leave it that the only choice left for you is to accept it.

If you decide to go to work because you must have the money for food and shelter but you would prefer other work then make some effort to find or prepare yourself for other work. In the meantime you have chosen to go to work tomorrow, so go there with a happy face and enjoy it.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about something in your life that you are not happy about at the moment.

Tuesday: Think about why you are unhappy about it.

Wednesday: Think about how you can change it to make it better for you.

Thursday: Think about the possibility of no longer having this event or person in your life.

Friday: Think about something you have decided to do anyway that makes you unhappy.

Saturday: Think about how being unhappy about the things you have chosen to do upsets you.

Sunday: Resolve to always accept and be happy with the things you have chosen to do.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

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