Dove with Branch
June 29, 2009 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!
 
The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide.  In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada.  These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area.  The program and my workshops are based on my textbook “Emotional Intelligence – Taking Control of Your Life.”
 
I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project.  We are promoting a “Sponsor a School” program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area.  Contact me for additional information.

This weekly newsletter is available free by subscription. All copies for the year are available on my website.

If you enjoy this newsletter and know someone who you think may enjoy it as well, please feel free to share it with them

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I have a problem at work. People will never tell me the truth, even if it is important for me to know so that I can make the right decision. For example I need to know about our orders so I can determine how much material to buy. This upsets me and affects my performance. How can I get them to give me the correct figures? - Robert in NJ

Dear Robert, Have a meeting and talk about it. Explain your need and learn about their problems. If you are not getting the right answers learn to interpolate. The most important thing is to not let yourself become upset by this problem. If it is out of your control accept it as something you need to become skilled in working with. - the Dean

Dear Dean, The people I work with are a very aggressive group! I am not aggressive and don't need to be as what I do in my job is primarily to support them. The problem is that they are always taking advantage of me. They ask me to do much of the work they should be doing, and then are rude if it's not done the way they think it should be done. If I suggest they should do it themselves they just get angry and complain that I am rude and lazy. How should I deal with this? Donna in WA

Dear Donna, Helping people is great if that is your job, or if you like doing that. If however it is upsetting you then you have a problem of dealing with the power issues of your fellow employees. Since this is extra work you have a choice of not doing it. If you like doing it then require that they appreciate and don't complain about it. Since you can choose not doing it don't feel you must and don't be upset when someone asks - or when you tell them "sorry I can't help today." - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Most of us believe it is important to be right. We think it is bad to make mistakes and we don't want to be bad so we refuse to think that we might be making a mistake. When we think someone else is making a mistake we think it is important to correct them. Some of us even like the feeling of superiority we get when we are right and the other person is wrong. After all, in this society those who know all the answers have all the power.

When we do this we devalue the importance of relationships. Isn't a loving relationship more important than the accuracy of facts? If your partner tells someone you went out to dinner last Saturday is it important for you to correct her because it was actually Friday? Most people have learned to feel disturbed when someone corrects them. Why do we want to create this tension when it serves no purpose other than our need to be right?

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Do you want others around you to be happy? Ask yourself if there is some need other than your need to be right before you correct someone and you will avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict in your relationship with them. This applies especially to your mate. Let them be wrong unless doing so creates some kind of real problem. When you do have to make corrections, be loving about it. People who give love enjoy life much more than those who are perfect. People who get love from you will enjoy you much more than those you have shown the error of their statement.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Accept yourself as you are right now and as someone who is able to make any change that you truly desire; once you have decided to make the change.

Whether you like the results or not, you are doing the best you can right now. Recognize that. Accept yourself fully for what you are now. You may want to change to something different, but for now this is where you are. Wanting to be different doesn't mean you are not okay for now - it's just where you are at the moment.

Challenge the "shoulds" and "must do's" in your life by believing that in the greater scheme of things, this event is not all that important and I can either decide that I am going to do it because I want to; or I am not going to do it at all. If you feel you must do something because you are obligated but don't really want to, take the time to examine your belief system for conflicting beliefs. Try to bring these beliefs into agreement or assign priorities to them so that you will be able to accept your own decisions. For example, you have a cousin who was in jail and you feel you should be nice to him because he is family, but you don't want to be with him because you don't approve of his behavior. This is an obvious conflict in your belief system that is causing some distress. Take the time to determine your priorities and resolve this conflict.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how you are trying to be the best person you know how to be.

Tuesday: Accept yourself as a loving and caring person.

Wednesday: Think about the things you don't like to do but do because you think that you should.

Thursday: Think about the changes you would like to make to become the person you hope to be.

Friday: Recognize that you have the power to make any changes you desire in your life.

Saturday: Think about the beliefs you have that cause you to become upset and identify the reasons that cause you to be upset.

Sunday: Resolve that when you make choices that result in your being upset that you will examine them and choose a new response that is not upsetting to you.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

Remember if you want the free e-book and phone seminars you must subscribe to this newsletter at the website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

If you wish to no longer receive this newsletter please send a reply which includes "unsubscribe" and the existing subject line in the reply.

The subject line and the address to which it was sent must be included.