Dove with Branch
August 24, 2009 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, Occasionally my boss asks me to stay after work to finish up a rush job. This is not good for me because I have children who come home after school and I need to be there for them. I am upset because this is not a good situation for me. . What can I say to my boss when he asks me to stay and help him? - Janice in CA

Dear Janice, I assume that you are not required to stay by your work agreement. Since staying is voluntary on your part you can simply say no. I suggest that you explain why you are unable to stay, adding that you would like to help but can't in this way. Try not to be stressed by his request as that will affect your work relationship. Think he has a right to ask - I have a right to say no - and let it go. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My wife and I both work the same hours. When we get home at night she wants to unwind and spend some "quality time" with the kids before she prepares dinner. We get home at five and we never eat before eight. The problem is that by that time I am starving. How can I get her to fix dinner first and then play with the kids? - Fred in GA

Dear Fred, You don't mention that the kids are complaining. It looks like this arrangement is working well for everyone but you. Unless you had an agreement about this with her that she is not honoring it seems you have little to complain about. Have a family conference and find a solution that will work well for the family. Having a snack or preparing dinner for yourself, or even the whole family, should not be out of the question. Maybe they would like having dinner on your schedule if you prepared it. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We try to solve the problems of the world from the viewpoint of our own beliefs and our own way of thinking. We know what we "should expect" from other people, and what they "should expect" from us. What we often fail to realize is that everyone else is trying to do the same. They are trying to solve the problems of the world from their way of thinking. We all want peace and joy in the world. The problem is that we have different ideas of what that is and how to achieve it.

Unfortunately this thinking often carries over to our expectations of what is right or wrong in relationships between countries. We make judgments that they are wrong and must change their behavior. How would you feel if the positions were reversed? We do need some rules about what is right and wrong for all. However they should be created by common agreement, treaty, a world governing body, or some other way we can come to agreement. Dictating how others must act, when we "know" they are wrong only leads to trouble. To live in Peace we must build a path that all societies are willing to walk down.

As long as we look at others who are trying to achieve the same basic things out of life as we are as our enemies, we shall continue to have problems. When we look on them as enemies we think that imposing our way on them will solve our problems. When we look on them as friends we try to help them solve their problems. And they try to help us solve our problems. Let's quit choosing sides and become friends with the rest of the world!

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Humor is a good way to divert your attention from a stressful situation so that you can more easily accept and deal with it. You experience what you are focusing on. With your focus on humor, you are focusing on positive emotions. The anxiety of anticipating something is greatly lessoned by focusing on the humor. When you anticipate the stress, you then feel the pain. The basic rule is that what you dwell on becomes yours. Joke with the dentist when he is pulling your tooth, and you will have less pain. The story of Doctor Patch Adams and how he uses humor in healing his medical patients is a great example of what humor can do for us. Other doctors have successfully used laughter as a cure. This works because we shift into our positive emotions when we laugh.

We use humor all of the time in our society as a way of deflecting the stress and other negative emotions in our lives. The reason why the best professional comedians are so popular and well respected is that they have a powerful positive effect on our emotions. Erma Bombeck, Robin Williams, George Burns, Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Bill Cosby, and many more have become immortal because they help us to see the world's problems - and our own - including the things that upset us - in a new light, a laughable light.

Take the opportunity whenever you can to look, read, or listen to humor - and take the time to appreciate it. Make it a practice to tell others about the things you see that are especially funny to you.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I decide to look at the funny side of life.

Tuesday: Every time I feel stressed about something I stop and look for a humorous way of looking at the event.

Wednesday: Whenever I do something that brings on stress I stop for a moment and find the humor in it.

Thursday: Today I read the comics and find something funny in each comic strip.

Friday: Today I watch a funny movie or a comic on TV.

Saturday: Today I laugh about whatever is troubling me.

Sunday: I resolve to find the humor in each and every event that occurs in my life.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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