Dove with Branch
June 21, 2010 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am a forty-five plus secretary in Dallas. My co-workers sometimes ask me my age. I am sensitive about my age and I try to joke with them, but they are insensitive to my feelings. How can I get them to stop asking? - Mandy in TX

Dear Mandy, Stop caring! Why should you want to hide your age? It is something to be proud about, not ashamed of. If you don't want to answer the question that is fine, but they have the right to ask the question, even if they are uncaring. The fact you are sensitive about your age is your problem; not theirs. Examine why you have this problem. If you are upset by such a simple request you have an issue it would be helpful to pay attention to. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I am sensitive to my weight, and do not like being reminded about it. I like to go swimming but people often kid me about my roll. How should I respond so that people will stop teasing me about it? - Jeanne in CA

Dear Jeanne, Accept their comments with a smile. It would be good to laugh with them if you can learn to laugh about it yourself. The fact you are heavier than other people should be no reason to depreciate yourself. We can't enjoy life in this world until we learn to accept things as they are. Weight is not a real quality of personal worth. Give up the idea that it is. What other people think of you is their business and not yours. Give up the idea that you obtain your value from what they think of you. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

In order to become a peaceful society we must learn how to be peaceful. We learn this mostly through our education as we are growing up. We learn it from our parents, our teachers and others in our society. Before we can become peaceful we must learn peaceful ways of thinking. We need to give up such things as our upset because others have inconvenienced us or want to do things differently. This comes from our education.

We spend approximately ten times the money on national defense that we spend on education. Because we have not learned peace, we spend much of our resources protecting ourselves. One answer is to spend more money on education. A better answer, I believe, is to develop and teach the concepts that will produce peace, and reduce our defense budget down to the size of our education budget.

Is this reasonable? I think so. The U.S. and its Allies spend about three times as much on "defense" as the rest of the world. Most of our military spending is caused because we disagree with what others are doing, not because they are attacking us. We have ample opportunity to find more peaceful solutions when we become willing to accept that things must not always go just the way we want them to.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

A Rule To Make Choices By: For everything that happens in our life, there are three possibilities: (1) We can change it, (2) We can leave it, or (3) We can accept it. With each event in our life we need to make this choice.

For example, consider your work. You may not be happy with it just the way it is. Is there a way you might change it to make it better? If that is not possible, then your next choice might be to leave it. That may not be possible for the present, because you may need the work in order to eat, or pay the rent. You then can choose to accept your work, or you may choose to make a plan to change to new employment in the future. If you choose to make a change later, then you need to make the decision to accept your work for now. As with all of life's experiences, if we don't find a way to make our work experience a positive one, then we are left with negative emotions in our lives. To remove any anger or other negative emotions from your life, you need to apply this principle of change it, leave it, or accept it each time you need to make a choice. The important thing is to remember that if you can't change something and are not going to leave it that the only choice left for you is to accept it.

If you decide to go to work because you must have the money for food and shelter but you would prefer other work then make some effort to find or prepare yourself for other work. In the meantime you have chosen to go to work tomorrow, so go there with a happy face and enjoy it.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about something in your life that you are not happy about at the moment.

Tuesday: Think about why you are unhappy about it.

Wednesday: Think about how you can change it to make it better for you.

Thursday: Think about the possibility of no longer having this event or person in your life.

Friday: Think about something you have decided to do anyway that make you unhappy.

Saturday: Think about how being unhappy about the things you have chosen to do upsets you.

Sunday: Resolve to always accept and be happy with the things you have chosen to do.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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