Dove with Branch
July 5, 2010 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, We can't help it because we are short or tall, dark or light skinned. It is just the way we are born. Other people will sometimes look down on us because they think we are inferior or just different. They have learned that it is great sport to make fun of us. If we allow this to happen because we feel insecure about ourselves then we really take the fun out of life. Once you realize you are okay just the way you are you can learn to let other people talk that way without letting it bother you. - Carol in BC

Dear Carol, Right on! Some people get power over other people by picking on them. The truth of the matter is we are all equal, but don't really believe we are because our parents and the world have taught us to believe we are superior/deficient in some way. If we respond by being upset they have accomplished their purpose. Just recognize the truth that they have the right to say what they want and you have the right not to be upset by it. - the Dean

Dear Dean, We live in a society where people "rise to the top" by stepping on other people. They think it is a "dog eat dog world" so they put us down just so they will feel better. We can't let them step on us we need to fight back. If we don't, they win and we lose. - Seth in NY

Dear Seth, If we are going to operate by the same rules they do, then you are right. Under their rules the tough guy wins the game. But if you are going to enjoy life then it is not a good game to play because it is stressful and no matter how good you are, sometimes you lose. Better to play the game of life based on love and you will attract the people and the experiences to you that will make life wonderful. Ask yourself: "Do I want to enjoy this life or do I want to acquire power and possessions?" You will be surprised how much true personal power and happiness you achieve through love. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

I believe our president has the right idea when he talks directly to foreign leaders with which we are having serious disagreement. We often refuse to talk with foreign governments who we consider enemies or disagree with their policies. We have refused to talk with Iran for years. We did not talk with China and those behind the Iron Curtain for years. I believe this is a great mistake. If we are going to get along in this world, we need to find a way to reconcile our differences. This doesn't happen easily when we refuse to talk to each other.

When we started talking and trading with the Eastern Bloc and with China we started finding ways to live together. When we developed common interests we began to find the need and the ways to reconcile our differences. Modern technology has brought us closer to everyone. We have a greater need to get along than ever before.

Not to talk only signals that we have not found a solution, and have given up trying or that we our using it as a tactic have our way. Even if it looks hopeless we never want to quit trying to solve our differences. When we try to solve our differences by being the prevailing bully we quit talking. When we look for solutions that solve the problem for the benefit of all, we keep talking.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Perhaps you're saying to yourself, "He is the one who makes me angry. I need him to change." This attitude is guaranteed to produce anger. If you can't accept your mate, or your colleague, or your child the way he or she is your relationship is not going to be a happy one. This is something that we must do in order to have a rewarding relationship. Choose to let go of every goal where your peace of mind depends on other people changing. Learn to think, "I love you just the way you are."

Perhaps you're saying to yourself, "He is the one who makes me angry. I need him to change." This attitude is guaranteed to produce anger. If you can't accept your mate, or your colleague, or your child the way he or she is your relationship is not going to be a happy one. This is something that we must do in order to have a rewarding relationship. Choose to let go of every goal where your peace of mind depends on other people changing. Learn to think, "I love you just the way you are."

If another person gives us a lot of negative stuff, we always have the option of no longer having that person in our life. Learn to think, "You are entitled to your own goals and way of living." Your choice is whether you want that person in your life or not. Unless they want to be different and ask you for help changing, realize the problem is yours and not theirs.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Realize it is not what other people do, but your opinion about what they do that makes you angry.

Tuesday: Realize that other people act appropriately according to their own beliefs.

Wednesday: Realize that the beliefs you hold are based on your own special upbringing and training.

Thursday: Realize that other people are trying to get along in the world the best way they know how, just as you are.

Friday: Think about the problems your anger causes you.

Saturday: Realize that any time you got angry it was because you chose to.

Sunday: Resolve that when you get angry you will determine the belief that caused your anger and change it.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
 


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