Dove with Branch
December 20, 2010 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am the production supervisor for a large company. I am an expert in production control as I have studied and worked in the field for years. I was chosen for my skills. The problem is that when I institute new plans that will improve our process the employees always resist them and we end up with the opposite result. What can I do to get my employees to go along with me? - Sam in KS

Dear Sam, If your job is to be a quality control supervisor you have only learned half of the job. As a supervisor your task includes getting the work done efficiently. This means you must get the other employees to buy into your ideas for change. That is part of your job. Start by liking them and appreciating their point of view and warming them to the task by getting them to understand the advantages for the changes you suggest. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband's mother frequently makes bigoted remarks in our home in front of our children. When I ask her to stop she says that it is what she believes, and keeps on making the bigoted remarks. How should I deal with this situation? I am considering not allowing her to come into my home. - Janice in WA

Dear Janice, Bigoted remarks are not appropriate in a loving world and we should not leave the impression that they are. Since your mother-in-law comes to your home I assume she has a loving relationship with your husband which should not be discouraged. You do not need to accept the remarks as appropriate or allow them in your and your children's presence. Finding a loving way for that not to happen would be appropriate. Perhaps she can understand your concern for your children's education. A solution which drives a wedge between your husband and his mother would not be positive. Do not stop loving the messenger even if you have a problem with the message. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Contrary to all of the strife we have in the world, I get the feeling that peace is breaking out all over. I feel this way because of all the e-mail I am receiving from people telling me about their own personal peace projects and what other groups are doing; stories about churches and universities that are establishing peace centers. The common thread that runs through all of these is that they are positive centers for peace and are not established as resistance movements.

It looks as if we are really beginning to learn the lesson that we do not establish peace by fighting wars. Fighting against war is not peace. It is just another kind of war. We think that to fight for peace is justified because of the purpose, but it is still war! It is impossible to be peaceful when we are fighting for anything. If we are going to have peace the first thing we must learn is to stop fighting, even for good stuff like peace. The very fight itself produces a lack of peace.

When we have learned to be at peace with ourselves and those around us then we will be able to create peace in the world. As long as there is power in the belief we can impose our way on others or solve our differences through force we cannot be peaceful. The more of us who achieved this, the more peace we will have. Learn peace - act in peace - teach peace - and we will have peace.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Train yourself to be a good listener by learning how to "listen deeply." To do this you must put your own thoughts and beliefs aside, and really focus on what the other person is saying.

Unfortunately, most conversations can be characterized as "my stuff/your stuff." They can be likened to a strange game of tennis - played with two separate balls. You serve your ball to me. I let it pass and serve my ball back to you. You let it pass and serve your ball back to me. The game continues this way - with neither player receiving the other person's ball. In such an instance, it obviously isn't a game at all. And in a conversation with the same characteristics, it's not really a conversation at all. You want to tell your story and I want to tell mine. We never hear the other person's story because we are too busy telling our own. How many conversations have you had lately that went that way?

We can diffuse another person's anger simply by putting an end to the "my stuff/your stuff" game and truly listening to that person. Interestingly, very often when you give the angry person the courtesy of politely listening to what they have to say, without interrupting them or retaliating in anger, their anger is reduced.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Pay attention to how you listen when others talk.

Tuesday: Learn to think only about what the other person is saying without thinking of how it relates to your life.

Wednesday: Learn to answer the other person fully before you relate any story of your own.

Thursday: Pay attention to what the other person is feeling when they talk.

Friday: Be patient and do not interrupt the other person while they are talking.

Saturday: Be patient and do not interrupt the other person while they are talking.

Sunday: Address the other person's concerns before you raise any of your own.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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