Dove with Branch
February 07, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, In order to maintain the lifestyle demanded by my family I have a job with a long stressful commute. When I get home from my long day I am tired and need some quite time. My family seems unable to provide the quiet and peaceful atmosphere necessary for my sanity. The children are always arguing or playing loudly and my wife fails to keep them quiet. How can I get them to be quiet so I can maintain my sanity? - Ben in GA

Dear Ben, I know that you are feeling the effects of a stressful day. You may feel that since you have been out there supporting your family that they should cater to your needs. However this is not the case. The need for peace and quiet is your problem not theirs. If you can't join in the fun in good humor then you need to find a place where you can go and experience the quiet time you seek. The last thing you want to do is get upset and be angry with them. This will not only make your immediate problem worse but it may also have some very negative long term effects as well. Perhaps you could learn to look at your children's interaction as a pleasant experience. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I want to have a small tattoo on my arm like most of the other kids in my school do but my parents refuse to allow it no matter how hard I argue. I have explained that the other kids are doing it and I have been willing to pay for it from the money I earn babysitting, but they still refuse. If I am not allowed to be like my friends I am not accepted by the group. How do I get my parents to realize how unfair they are being? - Val in CA

Dear Val, You should state your case and your reasons clearly and completely to your parents. They will listen if you remain polite and not argumentative. You need to accept their decision if they say no. The fact that all of your friends are doing it may not be a sufficient reason for you to be allowed to do it. It is reasonable to be required to live by your parents' values unless they are illegal or unhealthy. When you are an adult you will be able to make your own choices. Until you become an adult it is your task to accept your parents' choices. Until you become an adult think of yourself as a person in training. You can work on which rules you want to keep as an adult and be ready to take control of your life at that point. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Gradually those governments who want to take power over their own, or other people by force, are finding it more difficult to do so. This change to being governed only with our own informed consent comes gradually as our awareness as individuals increases. We must become aware enough to make choices, and elect only those who make decisions that are in our own enlightened self-interest. In order to have peace within our own society we have come more and more to realize that we ourselves must be peaceful. Only when we come from a place of peace will we be truly concerned about peace for other people. Only when we change our own personal way of being, to peaceful and joyful living, will we be able to create peace and joy in the world. The world will always be acting in a way that is an out-picturing of the general level of consciousness of the people.

Today we still worship and admire the rich and famous. When we do this we are giving our power to others. I often wonder if we make a great mistake in our society when we provide limousines for our leaders to ride around in. Doing so tends to devalue our own personal self-worth. When we set them above us in some way we are giving them power over us. When we take a closer look at the rich and famous we see that being rich and famous does not automatically give a person the sense of peace and well being that they seek. Being rich and famous does not of itself produce joy.

Those who have achieved the goals of riches and fame are often among those who are the most troubled and lead the least peaceful lives, especially when their riches and/or power were inherited or came without learning the necessary skills to manage and care for them. They often admit that their achievements have not brought them the peace and serenity they desire. As many of us have already learned, the answer to peace does not lie in riches or power but somewhere else.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

In order to have World Peace we must first learn a way of living that allows us to always experience Personal Peace. Personal Peace comes from the way we view and respond to the world around us. Our own personal world and the way we feel about it is determined by the way we chose to respond rather than by what actually happens to us.

Whatever happens is simply what happens. How we choose to view it is determined by our own personal belief system, the way we look at things, and how we feel about all of the stuff that has happened to us in the past. How we feel, and how we respond to something always comes from our own personal choice that we make at the moment the event or thought occurs to us.

Most of us have learned to judge events as either good or bad and respond accordingly. This is the way our parents and the world have taught us how to deal with things. We are taught that we are supposed to feel bad, or angry, when certain things happen. Too often we make a judgment that things are bad and then respond from our negative emotions, instead of being able to calmly think about what happened before we choose how to respond. Emotional choices limit us to responses based on our past.

CTips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I think of the Love I receive from others.

Tuesday: Today I will listen with an open heart.

Wednesday: Today I will take time to be with my family.

Thursday: Today I take time to appreciate nature.

Friday: Today I act in kind and loving ways.

Saturday: Today I smile, have fun and laugh.

Sunday: Today I help someone in need.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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