Dove with Branch
March 14, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

I have created a Computer Disc that includes all of my emotional skills training programs entitled Taking Control of Your Life - Emotional Mastery in 27 Lessons. It not yet available on my shopping but you may purchase it directly through my email address drdean@lifewithoutanger.com for a special introductory price of $10.00 plus $4.00 S&H.

Each lesson includes textbook, slide shows, and exercises. As an added bonus the disk also includes my other published books.

Without inner peace, it isn't possible to fully experience genuine love, joy, calmness and happiness. Learn to Understand and take control of your own emotions so that you can create the life experience you desire. It is possible to live a without anger and stress at home, at school, in the workplace and in all of your relationships.

Anger prevents us from achieving success in life. 90% of all health problems are related to stress. Stress often costs us as much as 20 years of our life. Now is the time to start removing anger and stress from your life and live the live you desire.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, If my husband is going to have a loving relationship with me he must listen to my needs. If we wives need our husbands to listen to our problems and lend a sympathetic ear they should be willing to do that. If they don't then we are just going to go elsewhere to find someone that will listen. All too often women end up having an affair because they are attracted to another man who will listen to them. If men desire a good relationship with their wives they need to listen. - Alysha in CO

Dear Alysha, Yes it would be the wise thing for a husband to lend a sympathetic ear. This is not a good reason for the wife to look elsewhere. If that is the biggest problem with a marriage it can be easily solved without messing up the marriage. Many marriages end in divorce due to lack of skill in finding a way to get the support a person is seeking from their partner. Once a marriage partner gets angry with the other partner they stop giving and receiving love and their marriage falls apart. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband thinks he is the boss in our relationship. He seems to think it is the man's job to be boss. How can I have a satisfactory relationship with a husband who decides he is the boss and tells me what to do? - Riley in AZ

Dear Riley, By deciding not to pay any attention to him, by not listening to him, by not asking for his advise, or by respecting his advise and considering it among other possibilities. You have many choices in how you can respond to his habit of giving advice. If you wish to be an equal in a relationship then you will need to find a way to not be controlled by your partner. Often our partners take control because we have allowed it to happen. Standing firmly and gently in your own truth will generally produce the best results. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

I have been reflecting on a difficult question this week. It is; when we are an activist seeking positive solutions for creating peace how do we work with and identify with those who are seeking peace by resisting all of the violence in the world? When I seek change only by searching for positive solutions and not simply by resisting what I think is wrong, how do I interact with those who are seeking change through resistance to what is?

The answer, I think; is contained in the fact that we are all in this life together. And that includes those who are using violence to achieve their objectives. Human society has a universal interest in maximizing our life experience. Since we are in this experience together, we should all be talking to each other all of the time, no matter what the circumstances.

We should state our truth and the reasons for it clearly, and listen openly and respectfully to the truth of others. We need to remember they have as much right to their truth as we have to ours. We should always respond in a loving way and be willing to accept the consensus decision of the group, even if we don't agree with it. We may continue to work for change by getting others to understand the value of the position we hold in a positive way. Let's all stand together whether we agree with each other or not! Since we will never all agree, the only way to have peace is to agree to disagree and accept the other person's point of view as valid him. Remember that what everyone has a natural inclination to be loved - to be accepted as a good and loving person!

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Is your response always appropriate to the present situation - or do you sometimes simply go on "automatic pilot" and use a response that you had used in the past? For instance, wouldn't it be better to leave the dishes on the table, or put them into the sink yourself, than to get mad at your mate for not doing it? Wouldn't it have gone better with the boss if you had said to him that you would like to help but had already made other plans that were too important to be changed?

Perception is not a fact. It is a mirror of our thoughts. No two people see the world the same. Learn to observe yourself to find out how you see the world. Try to see how your problems overlap each other and are interrelated to your other problems as well as the problems of others. Try to see how your way of looking at things always agrees with your entrenched beliefs. Try to see how the way you think causes problems for you.

Especially pay attention to how you are feeling. "Emotional awareness" is being aware of what feelings are actually occurring in your body. Try to be more aware of you emotions and note how they make you feel. See if your responses are in line with the way you think and act when you are not feeling the emotion. Just the act of observing your emotions can take away some of the emotional charge.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I learn to take a moment to think and make a conscious choice before I respond.

Tuesday: I look at my responses to see if the response I have chosen is the best possible choice.

Wednesday: Today I examine why I sometimes become upset by the action of other people.

Thursday: I examine other ways of thinking about the things that upset me.

Friday: I pay attention to the way I feel when I become upset. I examine the thoughts that result while I am upset.

Saturday: I notice how much better I feel when I examine the reasons for being upset.

Sunday: I immediately remove each thing that upsets me from my thoughts.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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