Dove with Branch
March 28, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

I have created a Computer Disc that includes all of my emotional skills training programs entitled Taking Control of Your Life - Emotional Mastery in 27 Lessons. It not yet available on my shopping but you may purchase it directly through my email address drdean@lifewithoutanger.com for a special introductory price of $10.00 plus $4.00 S&H.

Each lesson includes textbook, slide shows, and exercises. As an added bonus the disk also includes my other published books.

Without inner peace, it isn't possible to fully experience genuine love, joy, calmness and happiness. Learn to Understand and take control of your own emotions so that you can create the life experience you desire. It is possible to live a without anger and stress at home, at school, in the workplace and in all of your relationships.

Anger prevents us from achieving success in life. 90% of all health problems are related to stress. Stress often costs us as much as 20 years of our life. Now is the time to start removing anger and stress from your life and live the live you desire.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am staying at home because I have recently retired. My wife never makes the bed or cleans up the breakfast mess until late in the day. It is difficult for me to see this mess and nothing being done about it. How can I get her to clean it up? - Brent in MI

Dear Brent, You can suggest doing something that she wants done in return for her making the bed and cleaning. Better yet, do the dishes for her in trade for some other chore. Consider sharing her work so that she gets to share in the retirement. Best of all, why don't you just do the cleaning in a cheerful way and ask her if there are any more chores she would like to have done while you are at it? The messy house in the morning is a problem for you, but apparently not for her. Complaining and demanding that others do things your way are not positive ways to solve problems. . - the Dean

Dear Dean, I am getting married again and would like to have a formal wedding and an elaborate reception much like my first wedding. My intended is happy with that but my mother and my best friend tell me that it would be improper because it is not appropriate for a second marriage. It is not a question of my parents paying for the wedding. The question is: Would it be appropriate when others close to me feel it is not? - Marcie in AZ

Dear Marcie, The primary question is: Is this wedding for the couple or for their friends or family? Only you and your intended can answer that. If it is important to you to have a large formal wedding then why not have it; unless of course your friends' opinions are more important to you than your own. You have valued relationships with each of those people. You should make your own decisions based on your own beliefs. Consider their requests, but make a decision based on what you think is right for you and your fiancée under the circumstances. If you decide not to follow your friends' advice tell them so in a loving way - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Peace can only come from within the individual. Peace cannot be imposed on people. No matter how enlightened some concept or philosophy may seem if it is not embraced by most individuals it will not create peace. It is the nature of humans to resist the things they do not understand or accept. If a concept is not accepted by society then that concept will not survive peacefully because we humans will continue to resist what we do not accept of our own free will. Thus the great revolutions we see in our history.

However true this is, it remains the nature of mankind to seek peace. To humans, love feels good, and fear and anger feel bad. We grew up in a world where the strong have dominated the weak. In our early society, before we had laws, strength; either individually, or that of the community or nation was the way we survived. Tribes banded together for their survival. Other tribes who were more aggressive banded together to provide for themselves by taking from the weaker and less aggressive tribes.

As our society evolved we saw that great power as well as wealth was to be desired. However, as we evolved intellectually we came to realize that those in power tended to look out for their own self-interests rather than those of the group. As people became more aware they refused to accept the leader of power. As the people became strong enough they began to overthrow their abusive leadership and replace it with leadership whose power is derived from the consent of the governed. That process is still going on today in many parts of the world. It is still being perfected and improved everywhere it exists as the people grow more in awareness. Gradually those governments who want to take power over their own, or other people, by force are finding it more difficult to do so.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

If we think we must have a certain result, then we are addicted to the outcome. If we desire a certain result, we have a preference. If we have no preference as to what the results will be then it is easy to be accepting. If we are accepting, then we have no negative emotions attached to the event or to the outcome. We can also learn that we do not have to be emotionally attached to the outcome, even when we have a preference. We can accept the idea that we are willing to try things the other person's way.

For everything that happens in our life, there are three possibilities: (1) We can change it, (2) We can leave it, or (3) We can accept it. With each event in our life we need to make this choice. For example; consider your work. You may not be happy with it just the way it is. Is there a way you might change it to make it better? If that is not possible, then your next choice might be to leave it. That may not be possible for the present, because you may need the work in order to eat, or pay the rent. You then can choose to accept your work, or you may choose to make a plan to change to new employment in the future. If you choose to make a change later, then you need to make the decision to accept your work for now. As with all of life's experiences, if we don't find a way to make our work experience a positive one, then we are left with negative emotions in our lives.

To remove any anger or other negative emotions from your life, you need to apply this principle of change it, leave it, or accept it each time you need to make a choice. The important thing is to remember that if you can't change something and are not going to leave it that the only choice left for you is to accept it.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I release all anger from my life.

Tuesday: Today I celebrate my commitment to live in peace.

Wednesday: Every day I join others in a prayer for world peace.

Thursday: Today I accept the viewpoints of others as valid for them.

Friday: Today I agree to understand the viewpoints of others.

Saturday: Today I choose to feel loving toward those whom I disagree with.

Sunday: Today I choose to love the world and appreciate my life experience.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lirewithoutanger.com

 

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