Dove with Branch
April 04, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

I have created a Computer Disc that includes all of my emotional skills training programs entitled Taking Control of Your Life - Emotional Mastery in 27 Lessons. It not yet available on my shopping but you may purchase it directly through my email address drdean@lifewithoutanger.com for a special introductory price of $10.00 plus $4.00 S&H.

Each lesson includes textbook, slide shows, and exercises. As an added bonus the disk also includes my other published books.

Without inner peace, it isn't possible to fully experience genuine love, joy, calmness and happiness. Learn to Understand and take control of your own emotions so that you can create the life experience you desire. It is possible to live a without anger and stress at home, at school, in the workplace and in all of your relationships.

Anger prevents us from achieving success in life. 90% of all health problems are related to stress. Stress often costs us as much as 20 years of our life. Now is the time to start removing anger and stress from your life and live the live you desire.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My brother has nicknamed his son "Stinky." I have told him this is not a good thing to do but he says that it is none of my business. I tell him that Kevin will feel inferior because this name suggests that he is less than other kids. Kids will make fun of him and that will make life more difficult. Kids have enough problems without their parents making it intentionally worse for them. My brother thinks it's funny. How can I get him to get him to realize that he is messing up his kid's life? - Morgan in CA

Dear Morgan, The nickname is not bad because you think it is bad. It is only bad if the child thinks it is bad. If he feels ashamed or depreciated by it then it should not be used because he will accept it as true or feel that others are mean to him. If he likes it, or really appreciates the humor, then it can be okay. Most children do not have sufficient self-esteem to see it as positive or funny. If your nephew is one of those lucky children then okay. But if he is not - and I expect he is not, or your brother wouldn't have told you to mind your own business without an explanation - then pass this answer on to him to consider. You are correct to think that he may be using a form of abuse. .. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I have a sister who is totally irresponsible. She is not able to keep herself out of trouble. She comes to me with problems like not paying her traffic tickets or the electric bill, and she pleads with me to help her or her family will suffer. I know I shouldn't be enabling her but I always feel sorry for her family and give in. What do you suggest? - Kyle in OR

Dear Kyle, The answer is to give love and emotional support always and think carefully about the other support you give. Ask yourself if you are being caring or enabling? Sometimes this is a very difficult question. If you are having difficulty with this issue talk to someone outside the problem. If you need a place to seek help look up Al-anon. You are facing the same problems as someone who has an alcoholic in their life. Above all, don't feel guilty for problems you have no responsibility for. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

I attended a discussion group recently that was discussing methods of nonviolence. It was disappointing to me as the subject content was more aligned with civil disobedience. Those present were more interested in how they could have their way than they were with the concern for what most people wanted. The comment that caught my attention the most was when someone referred to voting as the opiate of the people.

If we are to live together as a peaceful society, then we must have some method of determining and be willing to carry out the will of the people. Otherwise we have the tyranny of the powerful. If we are willing to fight for our own way; even when it is not the way of the majority, then the use of nonviolence just becomes a strategy we are using to have our own way. Revolution against the rule of the majority is much different than revolution against the rule of a powerful and abusing minority.

Most of us want to live in peace rather than just have our way. When our system is not functioning in a peaceful way our job should be to restore and use the system, not to overthrow it by the use of force, even if that force is nonviolent. We abandoned the idea of lynch mobs as a bad idea many years ago. We have the means in our society to create change that reflects the will of the people. When we see mistakes are being made our job is to bring it to the attention of others; seek better solutions; work to get them implemented; and finally to accept and abide by the decision chosen by the majority until that decision is changed. It would be better to live in a separate group whose ways we honor than it would be to war against the ways of those we live with.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Realize that what you are thinking may be hurting you. Choose to replace your negative thoughts with loving positive thoughts. People want to be loved. If you hold back your anger and give them love instead they will respond in a positive way.

When others are positive, it is easier for you to be positive. Ask yourself, "If I was feeling love, what would I do now?" Realize that the other person is not intentionally trying to hurt you. They are just doing the best they can. Do not blame other people for not playing by the rules. They are playing by the rules, "their rules." They are living their life, not yours. We all have some rules of our society that we do not accept. Others are entitled to reject different ones than you do.

Remember that you have no right to control other people. The fact that they have done something you think is wrong gives you no right to control them or try to change them, unless of course you are a policeman. Remind yourself of this when you are upset at how others are acting. Once you tell yourself, "I do not control what other people do," it is easier to free yourself from the anger that results when others are not doing things the way you feel they should be done.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Make a list of the things that upset you the most about your family.

Tuesday: Think of a new positive way of feeling about each item on your list.

Wednesday: Think of the things that upset you the most about your work.

Thursday: Think of a new positive way of feeling about each item on your list.

Friday: Make a list of the things that upset you the most about your government.

Saturday: Think of a new positive way of feeling about each item on your list.

Sunday: Resolve to develop new positive responses for anything you find upsetting in your life.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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