Dove with Branch
April 11, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

I have created a Computer Disc that includes all of my emotional skills training programs entitled Taking Control of Your Life - Emotional Mastery in 27 Lessons. It not yet available on my shopping but you may purchase it directly through my email address drdean@lifewithoutanger.com for a special introductory price of $10.00 plus $4.00 S&H.

Each lesson includes textbook, slide shows, and exercises. As an added bonus the disk also includes my other published books.

Without inner peace, it isn't possible to fully experience genuine love, joy, calmness and happiness. Learn to Understand and take control of your own emotions so that you can create the life experience you desire. It is possible to live a without anger and stress at home, at school, in the workplace and in all of your relationships.

Anger prevents us from achieving success in life. 90% of all health problems are related to stress. Stress often costs us as much as 20 years of our life. Now is the time to start removing anger and stress from your life and live the live you desire.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, There is a co-worker in my office who is frequently telling off color sexual jokes in my presence. This is the only problem I have and otherwise our relationship is fine. I don't want to make trouble for him. All I want is for him to stop telling the jokes. I have asked him to stop but he doesn't seem to take me seriously. He is actually a decent guy and I enjoy being around him except when he is telling those horrible jokes. I don't want to cause any problems for him, but I want him to stop the jokes. I have told him to please stop but he just thinks it's funny and continues. How can I get him to stop without causing him to be upset with me? - Hollie in MD

Dear Hollie, The problem seems to be that he hasn't really heard your message. So improve the telling and find a way to improve his listening. Be friendly but assertive. Let him know that "dirty jokes" are not okay with you. Tell him you value his friendship. Let him know that they are really hurtful and that not telling them is an essential part of your friendship. Ask him to do it as a personal favor, make the problem yours and not his and perhaps he will be more caring. If he cares he will be more helpful. If he doesn't care perhaps you need to take a more assertive approach and have the two of you talk with your supervisor to resolve the matter. . - the Dean

Dear Dean, I like to keep my house clean. I don't allow anyone to wear shoes in the house. My children often ignore this rule. They play sports and then track dirt into the house. They also allow their friends to wear shoes even when they take their own off. I keep reminding them but they never pay any attention. What should I do? - Brea in WA

Dear Brea, It seems to me that you have a bigger problem than dirt. You need to find a way to get your children to pay attention to the rules. Explain what the rules are, the reason for the rule and what the consequences are. Then when the rule is violated, lovingly enforce the consequences without fail. I suggest including cleaning up the mess as part of the consequences. Idle threats and displays of anger are generally not effective and tend to create negativity in your relationship with your child. They also create a negative outlook on life in general because the child learns to resist what others direct her/him to do rather than to choose a response that is in their own best interest. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Most of us think that many of the things that are being done in our society are wrong, and if they were done differently our life would be better. We think other people are stupid, greedy, thoughtless and uncaring among other things. Most likely they are thinking the very same way we are much of the time. The other side of the coin is that if there are abuses in our society there are people who feel they benefit from those abuses and wish to maintain the status quo. If those who hold positions of power in our government benefit from their positions they are not the ones motivated by the desire to change.

If we want to be the ones in power so we can have things our way, then things will end up the same; only reversed. This is the way it works in our political system now. As soon as those in power have abused the system enough the ones not in power gain support, and it then becomes their turn to do the same in their own special way.

Until we as a society gain the understanding, integrity, and compassion to look for ways of being and doing that consider the needs and viewpoints of everyone, our system will continue to work as it does now. When we are ready to care about others as much as we care about ourselves and our own families, we will continue to do politics in this way. When we become concerned about the viewpoints and needs of everyone equally, we will create a society that is loving and nurturing for all people.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Like a fan at a basketball game we tend to judge life from the point of view of the team we are rooting for. Even when we can't see clearly what happened we tend to think any close decision in favor of the other team was incorrectly made. If it goes our way however we have no doubt that it was the right call. We tend to use this kind of biased thinking in our own lives as well.

When we become the observer of our own thoughts and actions we want to be like the referee. Our job is to be as objective as we can and call things the way they really are. Be open to being wrong, but you should believe you made the best call and go with it. If your opinion proves to be wrong be quick to recognize it and change the call. Be willing to make a different call the next time you are faced with the same situation.

Remember, how you feel about what is happening depends on which side you are rooting for. Try to be objective, no labels and no judgments. Don't let yourself be tricked by your own prejudices and biases. Be willing to stop and think if their could be another way of viewing it.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how your beliefs are created out of your teaching and experiences.

Tuesday: Think about how you would feel if your beliefs did not cause you to be upset.

Wednesday: Think about the beliefs you have about your family that you would like to change.

Thursday: Think about the beliefs you have about your work that you would like to change.

Friday: Think about the beliefs you have about your community and your country that you would like to change.

Saturday: Think about the beliefs you have about yourself that you would like to change.

Sunday: Resolve that when your beliefs are upsetting, you will find a new belief to replace them.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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