Dove with Branch
April 25, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

I have created a Computer Disc that includes all of my emotional skills training programs entitled Taking Control of Your Life - Emotional Mastery in 27 Lessons. It not yet available on my shopping but you may purchase it directly through my email address drdean@lifewithoutanger.com for a special introductory price of $10.00 plus $4.00 S&H.

Each lesson includes textbook, slide shows, and exercises. As an added bonus the disk also includes my other published books.

Without inner peace, it isn't possible to fully experience genuine love, joy, calmness and happiness. Learn to Understand and take control of your own emotions so that you can create the life experience you desire. It is possible to live a without anger and stress at home, at school, in the workplace and in all of your relationships.

Anger prevents us from achieving success in life. 90% of all health problems are related to stress. Stress often costs us as much as 20 years of our life. Now is the time to start removing anger and stress from your life and live the live you desire

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, We have retired on a fixed income and have family members spread all over the country. They like to visit the West Coast and always seem to want to stay with us. We actually enjoy them staying with us but we just don't have the extra money for food and gasoline to show them the area. How do we let people know that we need them to help with expenses if they are going to stay with us? - Jeff in CA

Dear Jeff, Staying with you doesn't seem to be a problem except for the expense. Since you are glad for the visit why can't you simply let them know your situation? Being with friends is still a good deal for both of you. Be honest and things will work out fine. They will be happy to cover expenses, or stay elsewhere. Be ashamed to tell the truth and everyone will end up upset. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My fiancée's family does not approve of me. They think I am not good enough for her because I am of a different culture. They are Norwegian. They think I act like an American, and they are always finding fault with me and telling their daughter that she needs to find someone of their own ethnic background. The problem is that she will go there for holidays without me. I want to be with her on the holidays but she says he can't neglect her family and that if I keep coming with her that they will eventually accept me. - Dylan in MN

Dear Dylan, The inability to understand ethnic differences frequently results in problems. This is something both you and your fiancée need to work out. Neither you nor she is obligated to handle it in a certain way, or do a certain thing. What you do need to do is find a solution that will work for both of you. Look hard at the possibility of going with her, even if the reception is cool. They may warm when they grow accustomed to you, and see that she truly cares for you and that you are nice to be around. The important thing is to resolve this problem in some way before you marry. Issues that could break up the marriage need to be resolved before the marriage. How the two of you are at resolving differences is usually more important than the differences. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

As individuals we always make choices according to our beliefs. If we believe that the world is a dangerous place, and that everyone is out to get us, then we act accordingly. And the world will respond accordingly. Things will always end up being the way we think they are - just because we think they are that way. When we don't believe that we can have the things we want, then we won't have them. When we think this way we create for ourselves an un-enjoyable life.

Most of us want to have peace in our life; and in the world as well. The problem is we see a world where others want to take advantage of us or rule over us. They see the world in the same way. As a result we end up distrusting the motives of others and believe we have to defend ourselves from them. Most people want to be loved but don't act loving! All we have to do to have a peaceful world is to believe and act as if that is what everyone wants.

When someone does a bad thing to another, what we really want is that they never do such a thing again. If we search together for a new way of responding we can solve this problem. When we believe that they must be punished for their act; and respond accordingly; they take it as an act of aggression, and vow to continue the fight. When they learn to trust our peaceful motives they will respond with trust and we can then solve our differences in a loving way.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

We feel upset when we don't deal with unfinished business from the past. As we continue to hold onto our anger, our unforgiving thoughts become the cause of our suffering, and we continue to hurt. The only remedy for this pain and resentment is forgiveness. We can be free of suffering by letting go of the past. Becoming a happy person is really not possible until you free yourself from your anger and forgive.

If you find yourself fearful that what has happened in the past will happen in the future, try taking the opposite attitude - that things will be better now that you have learned the lesson inspired by the negative experience. Which attitude is the most productive - holding onto anger and being miserable, or practicing forgiveness and learning from the experience? Why not consider the person who "wronged you" as a teacher? If you look upon them as a teacher of one of life's lessons, it will be much easier to forgive them. Be thankful for the lesson.

To decide not to forgive is to decide to suffer. By shifting your perspective and refusing to blame others, or to carry any resentment, you open yourself to a happier existence. Forgiveness is letting go of all hope that we can somehow fix the past. We have all been hurt by the actions of others. It is always easy to justify your anger, but even with the strongest of justifications, you will never be happy if you hold onto the anger. The anger will have won out, and you will have lost, no matter how strong your "case." It will help you to forgive if you take the position that, in your life, no anger is justified.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I realize that how I feel about events in the past create my suffering.

Tuesday: Today I resolve to release the past so that I might enjoy the present.

Wednesday: Today I think about the people in my past that I still have not forgiven.

Thursday: Today I decide to accept them with love.

Friday: Today I think about the events in my past that I still have not forgiven.

Saturday: Today I decide to accept all of my past with love.

Sunday: Today I rejoice in the realization that I am now free of past resentments and can enjoy my life.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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