Dove with Branch
June 27, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My husband and I were arguing all of the time. He just gradually quit talking to me and I got more upset and he just got quieter. Finally I realized my problem and started complementing the little things he did well in a caring way. Gradually he started to talk to me again and now that I am not complaining he is willing to share his problems with me and has become more loving. - Holly in NV

Dear Holly, We all want to be loved and we don't enjoy receiving the opposite. Your husband shut down because he didn't want to hear more of what he was hearing. When you would argue he didn't want to hear that, so his response was to quit talking to you so he wouldn't hear it anymore. If we want love we have to give love and when we give love we get love. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband just does not seem interested in his family. He comes home from work depressed and he doesn't want to do anything except watch TV and get even more upset about what is going on in the world. Dinner and two beers and that's it for the night. On the weekend he is off to ball games with his friends. How can I make him be a part of the family and do things with us? - Helena in TX

Dear Helena, You can't make him do anything. We all have the right to do what we want. There are things you can do so that he will want to be part of the family. Start by being loving, and supportive of his choices. Find a way to bring him back to family concerns by making them positive and interesting to him. He is coming home depressed. If you can't help him out of that then consider professional help. It is difficult for someone who is depressed to be interested in others. Administer all the love and tender loving care that he is open to receive. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

It is helpful to think of schools as having three basic functions: 1. To educate the students in the basic skills needed for life (the three R's). 2. To train the students so that they will be able to be productive members of society and to be able to provide for their own support. 3. To learn how to think and be creative so that they and the society can prosper. This third function has been very controversial because the agenda of change and growth is perceived as not in the best self interest of many in our society. However if we are to create a Peaceful New World, this is the area of our education that we must emphasize.

The basic objective of education has been to advance the knowledge of the people. However, this goal is often distorted because self-interest groups within the society are concerned that their particular agenda be advanced. They insist that what is taught in the schools is compatible with their individual group philosophy.

To create change we must learn the skills of creating. If we are taught that the law and our government and society are always right, then what we have today is what we will always have. What change we do experience will be created out of the best interest for a few controlling individuals. When we learn to recognize the positive possibilities of change, then we will be open to, and working for positive change. The student learns from the teacher. We can all be teachers whether we are in the educational system or not. What are we going to teach our children?

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

In dealing with others, the best rule is to start from a place of trust, realizing and accepting that you could be wrong. People tend to respond to you in the same way you act. You will receive far more trust if you offer trust. If you offer distrust, distrust is what you will usually get back.

In dealing with problems that need positive responses, we are more effective (and feel better) being assertive instead of aggressive. When we respond from our thinking, we choose a thought out response rather than an emotional one. We can be assertive and accomplish what we feel we must, without being angry. It is much easier to be assertive rather than aggressive when we don't think that things must turn out a certain way..

We need to learn to not let our peace of mind become dependent on what another person does. Except for adhering to the laws set down by our society, we have no right to expect that anyone act in a certain way, just as they have no right to require that from us.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I trust other people as being naturally truthful and caring.

Tuesday: I realize that if I trust other people I give them the opportunity to trust me.

Wednesday: I realize that good comes from trust.

Thursday: I realize that I can explain what I would like others to do without being angry.

Friday: I choose to think before I respond.

Saturday: I realize that I do not have the right to control other people.

Sunday: I realize that others have the right to reject my requests.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: Lifewithoutanger.com

 

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