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From: "Dean Van Leuven" <drdean@pcu.net>
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Subject: Inner Peace Newsletter  10-03-2011
Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2011 07:06:24 -0700
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Dove with Branch
October 03, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
       Welcome!

Hi! I have been away for two weeks presenting a paper at a conference in Singapore, and then in Nepal working with the World Without Anger program.  You may get an update on their activities at

http://worldwithoutanger.org/news.php or

http://worldwithoutanger.org/activities.php

If you enjoy this newsletter and know someone who you think may enjoy it as well, please feel free to share it with them.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I come from a large family. The loving and caring we do for each other brings joy to my life. The real joy in the life of large families is the loving and caring we do for each other. If it seems the family is lined up against you I suggest you take a hard look at why this is happening. If the rest are getting along your differences may be caused by the way that you are relating to them. You may need to change a little to fit in. Think about it! You may find it worth changing a little. - Tess in KS

Dear Tess, You are right to consider changing to fit in with the rest of the family because the rewards are great. Consider also that it may be a matter of respect. You may be able to learn how to stand in your own truth with out defending it and attacking theirs and have their respect. For most people respecting them as they are is more important than your being just like them. - the Dean

Dear Dean, We had a large family reunion this summer with everyone there except my sister Marie. She lives only an hour away but couldn't fit it into her plans. I know of no real reason she couldn't have made the time if she wanted to be there. She could have found the time if she really wanted to come. This is the last time she will be invited to a party at my place. - Joyce in MO

Dear Joyce, I don't know about your sister's problem and why she couldn't attend, but it is evident that you have an anger problem. Being angry when others don't do what you like is just a learned behavior that is not very effective in creating loving relationships. Your sister has reasons which you may be totally unaware of for not attending. Allow her to make her decisions on her own basis instead of your desires; and respect her for them. You might tell her you really missed her and let her know everyone hopes that she can make it next time. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We are the society. Society should be organized so that it works well for us all. If we have some way of doing things that has become customary for our society and it is not working well for us then we should be willing to develop a new way of doing things that will be more effective for us.

When we reach this conclusion and try to develop a better way of doing things we find ourselves intimidated by the special interest groups that benefit from the way things are done presently. They operate through the media and in their lobbying before government bodies. Let's learn to recognize them for what they are - special interest groups who have a stake in the outcome and want the legislation to benefit their special interests.

Somehow we have gotten the idea that they are too powerful and that we can't create legislation that goes against their special interests. In our system of government it is the votes that count, not the money. If the money is buying the votes then we can elect new representatives who have not been and will not be bought by the money. It would help if we would change the way we elect our politicians so they don't need the money to get elected. The present system just makes the problem of the votes following the money more difficult to solve. Let's devise a way of electing politicians without them having to spend money to get elected and we will solve a lot of our inequities in the present system.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

We use anger in disciplining our children because we become upset at what they do, and we then become angry. We then tend to mix our anger in with the lessons we are trying to teach the child. But when we mix the "lesson" with the anger, we end up teaching the child it is okay to respond with anger. As parents we often don't even realize that we are using anger. So the first step in dealing with your anger as a parent is to become aware of how you feel when you relate to your children.

When we respond out of love, the child learns love. If we are free of anger, we teach children love, not anger. We give them a life of positive feelings. Just knowing that we can raise our child without anger should be reason enough for us to put forth the effort to get rid of our own anger.

Learn to talk about feelings with your children. Find out what upsets them and why. Find out why they feel the way they do. Work with them to solve the problems and to release their anger. Even though their friends display anger, they can learn from you that they don't need to use it themselves. Teach them that they can be far more effective, and accomplish more as a person, if they are not controlled by anger.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I will pay attention to when I experience anger in relating to my children.

Tuesday: I understand that I am my children's teacher.

Wednesday: I understand that my children have learned their lessons in life from me.

Thursday: If my children make a mistake it is because they have not yet learned how to deal with a particular issue.

Friday: When my children make a poor choice I lovingly teach them how to make a better one.

Saturday: I accept my children's failures and appreciate their successes.

Sunday: The life my children experience will reflect my success as a teacher and a parent.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

p align="justify"> I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: worldwithoutanger.com

 

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