Dove with Branch
November 14, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am a manager at a very large company. My team and I have to work cross functionally and some of our counterparts have been very demanding and unprofessional, even yelling at me repeatedly in meetings over circumstances that I did not create and that I am trying to solve anyway. I have tried the following: 1) discussing the situations that arise with them in a rational and calm manner; 2) discussing separately with my boss and having him do the same; 3) trying to visualize myself and my team being treated fairly and respectfully. So far none of these have worked. Any ideas? I love the idea of eradicating anger in the workplace as there is a lot of it and it is likely making its way home..... even a few tips that would help to alleviate the situation would be much appreciated. - GH in OH

Dear GH, This is a difficult and all too common problem. The secret is not to let these ineffective attempts at solutions become your emotional problem. Do not allow yourself to buy into other peoples' anger because then that becomes your problem. Develop confidence in yourself as a problem solver and a person who wants to help others who can stay focused on finding ways to help other people through their anger issues without allowing them to become your issues. It sounds like you have made some very good attempts to solve their problems that haven't worked. Don't allow this to frustrate you. Keep searching for positive solutions. Accept the challenge, and believe that as long as you stay positive and keep searching you will find a solution. If you can remain positive and give only help and love regardless of the other persons anger you will find a way. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I have a problem with the way my sister treats me. When she wants something she will just keep asking until I finally. She is relentless and never gives in. How can I handle this? - Grace in MA

Dear Grace, By never giving in! She keeps doing it because it works. When it no longer works she will quit doing it. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

If we are going to have peace in the world, whether someone else's religion is better than our own is irrelevant. In order to have peace we must have freedom. If we are going to have freedom we must be equal. If I look at you as less than me in some way I have not given you the freedom to be my equal. Also I have not given myself the freedom to be your equal. When I look at you as less than me in some way then I am unable to be your loving brother and you will find it difficult to be my loving sister.

If you brought someone from north of the Artic Circle to live in your city most likely he would have great difficulty adjusting to life there. If on the other hand you were to find yourself somewhere north of the Artic Circle you would be lucky to survive without the help of those who live there. It would be easy for them to think that in their world you are the inferior one and not offer you the help you need to survive.

It is in our nature to desire love, respect and approval from others. When those things are not given and received we are not at ease with each other. When we are ready to give up the idea that it is important to judge others and that being superior to them in some way is important to us we will be able to open our hearts and our arms to each other and live in a peaceful new world.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

In order to have World Peace we must first learn a way of living that allows us to always experience Personal Peace. Personal Peace comes from the way we view and respond to the world around us. Our own personal world and the way we feel about it is determined by the way we chose to respond rather than by what actually happens to us.

Whatever happens is simply what happens. How we choose to view it is determined by our own personal belief system, the way we look at things, and how we feel about all of the stuff that has happened to us in the past. How we feel, and how we respond to something always comes from our own personal choice that we make at the moment the event or thought occurs to us.

Most of us have learned to judge events as either good or bad and respond accordingly. This is the way our parents and the world have taught us how to deal with things. We are taught that we are supposed to feel bad, or angry, when certain things happen. Too often we make a judgment that things are bad and then respond from our negative emotions, instead of being able to calmly think about what happened before we choose how to respond. Emotional choices limit us to responses based on our past.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I treat all animals kindly.

Tuesday: Today I give thanks for the children of the world.

Wednesday: Today I hold peaceful loving thoughts for the world's leaders.

Thursday: Today I take time to sit and be peaceful.

Friday: Today I give life the light touch.

Saturday: Today I take time to enjoy and appreciate my family.

Sunday: Today I re-label my "mistakes" as lessons.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutangercom

 

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