Dove with Branch
November 21, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am the quality control supervisor for a large company. I am an expert as I have studied and worked in the field for years. The problem is that when I institute new plans that will create efficiency the employees always resist them and we end up with the opposite result. What can I do to get my employees to go along with me? - Brad in CA

Dear Brad, If your job is to be a supervisor you have only learned half of the job. As a supervisor your task includes getting the work done efficiently. This means you must get the other employees to buy into your ideas for change. That is part of your job. Start by liking them and appreciating their point of view. Warm them to the task by getting them to see how both the company, and they personally, benefit from the changes you suggest. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband's father frequently makes bigoted remarks in our home in front of our children. When I ask him to stop he says that it is just his way and he means no harm, and then he continues to make bigoted remarks. How should I deal with this situation? I am considering not allowing him to come into my home. - Grace in MA

Dear Grace, Bigoted remarks are not appropriate in a loving world and we should not leave the impression that they are. Since your father-in-law comes to your home I assume he has a loving relationship with your husband which should not be discouraged. You do not need to accept the remarks in you and your children's presence. Finding some way for that to not happen would be appropriate. Perhaps he can understand your concern for your children's education. A solution which drives a wedge between your husband, or his father and the children, would not be positive. Don't stop loving the messenger even if you don't tolerate the message. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We humans are creative people. It is a well established physiological principle that we are able to create what we are able to envision. In other words; once we believe something is possible we keep working until we find a way to accomplish it. In aviation for example we have advanced from the Wright brothers to visiting the moon, and beyond. Why did we do this? It is because we believed it was possible. When we want something bad enough we keep working at it until we find a way. For example; Edison and the light bulb is an often repeated story in the realm of invention.

We have been slow to learn that we have the same control over our emotional processes as we do our mental processes. When we realize we have control over our emotional processes and learn how to do this we will find the way to peace, if we desire peace. We must begin the quest for peace by learning how to take control of our emotional process and make decisions in our own long range best interest.

The second part of the equation is for enough people to realize that peace is in their own best interest. Somehow we have equated the idea of freedom without peace and power to have what we want without the consideration of others as the primary good; and that peace must be sacrificed in this quest. When we learn to enjoy walking and visiting with our diverse neighbors on a two way street we will be ready to "discover" peace. In the meantime let's learn that to quit hurting each other is in our own best interest.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

We can accept disagreement without being disagreeable in return. We don't have to require that we be treated well. We can accept the way other people treat us, in the sense that we don't get upset about it. We can assert our boundaries and refuse to accept the other person's position, without getting angry or upset. If we believe in our self and our own truths, then we can let the other person have their own truths, and just refuse to be affected by them.

Do we want to be happy, or do we want to be right? Whenever we are attached to being right, we are convinced the other person is wrong and we are right. As long as we cannot accept the idea that maybe they are also right, or at least realize that it just doesn't matter, we can't be free of our negative emotions or experience happiness and peace of mind. The more we accept the other person's reality as being authentic, the less upset we become.

As we become more accepting, we stop demanding that things go a certain way. It is part of our nature to want to give and receive love. When we demand things be a certain way, we are not giving love, and we seldom receive love in return when we don't give it. We get even less love when we give anger in return.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I allow others to have their beliefs.

Tuesday: Today I take time to relax and enjoy.

Wednesday: Today I am grateful for peacemakers.

Thursday: Today I do the work that is mine to do with a glad heart.

Friday: Today I take time to do a kind deed.

Saturday: Today I tell a co-worker something about them that I appreciate.

Sunday: Today I focus on the positive.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com 

 

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