Dove with Branch
November 28, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am a senior in high school and I want to get a tattoo but my parents won't let me. My friends all have tattoos. Some have several large visible ones. Multiple tattoos on arms and shoulders are common. I just want a small one on my shoulder. How can I get my parents to agree, or should I just get it anyway? What can they do about it anyway? - Gretta in TX

Dear Gretta, What they can do about it anyway is not the point. Your parent's job is to create a belief system for your life, and unless it is illegal it is your responsibility to learn it. It is reasonable to be required to live by your parents' values unless they are illegal or unhealthy. When you leave home you are free to reject them, but not yet. Think carefully about why you want to get a tattoo then state you case and accept their decision. Until you become an adult think of yourself as a person in training. You can work on which rules you want to keep as an adult and be ready to take control of your life at that point. - the Dean

Dear Dean, Our house is falling apart! My husband is a capable carpenter and can fix things when they break. The problem is he works long hours to make enough money and says he needs his time on the weekend to rest. We don't have enough money to hire someone but the work needs to be done and he won't do it. What do you suggest? - Verna in CA

Dear Verna, I suggest you find a way to get your husband interested in doing the work. Maybe an offer to fix his favorite dessert will help. If he is not up to it and you want it done then find a way to get someone to do it, find a way to save the money, learn how to make the repairs, or wait until your husband is ready to do it. It may be temping to browbeat and/or punish him in some way but those tactics create more problems than they solve, even if they do get the house fixed. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

In the past our efforts have been primarily a resistance to war (ban the bomb). We have not found war good and we have been fighting a campaign against war and its horrors instead of going on a search for peace. Gandhi was successful in uniting and mobilizing his people to free them from the oppressive rule of the British. Once that immediate problem was solved the Hindus and the Muslims turned on each other and broke his heart. The people of India united to solve a common problem but they were not able to forget the perceived differences between themselves and live in peace. The path looks more promising for the work of Martin Luther King Jr., because we are still making measurable progress on racial equality. However many of us would like to see us moving forward at a faster pace.

Until now, perhaps no other path was possible because we had not yet developed a sufficient amount of peace in our individual hearts to be able to experience peace in the world. Remember, no matter how much we think we might want something we are still going to out-picture the kind of world that we feel on the inside. The answer to our problem will not appear until we have sufficient awareness to understand it. The answer is already there, we just haven't seen it yet.

Theoretically this shift in awareness could happen overnight. However, from my experience I believe there is still a lot of work yet to be done. When enough of us are able to find that elusive peace in our heart then the change will happen rather quickly.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Most of us want to be true to our own belief systems. We want to respond the way we believe we should, rather than how we feel at the moment. Learn to follow your positive impulses in responding to situations. If you try to respond in the way you think others want you to respond, you will find it more difficult to feel good about yourself.

You probably grew up learning how to respond the way your parents and teachers told you that you should respond. You have learned those lessons from others, but you are an adult now. Now is the time to look at the way you are responding to the requests of others and make sure that you are responding the way you want to respond, not just the way you were taught. If you often don't like how you feel about what you are doing or saying, pay attention and try to determine why that is happening. Determine what changes you can make in your responses so that you will no longer be feeling negative about the actions you take.

You can learn to be in control and choose the behavior you desire. If you whine about something, remember that you have chosen that behavior. Work at seeing how self-defeating it is to whine about things. Keep looking for the times you complain about things. Refuse to accept that behavior from yourself. Change your complaining attitude to one of observing and evaluating what is going on. The thing you change by complaining is how you feel, and how others feel about you. When you complain you make yourself feel bad. You also make everyone else feel bad. Also, you will generally get a less positive response from others when you complain.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I listen to peaceful music.

Tuesday: Today I sit in a peaceful environment.

Wednesday: Today I reclaim my inner peace.

Thursday: Today I share my commitment to peace.

Friday: Today I delight in being me.

Saturday: Today I visualize world peace.

Sunday: Today I commit to resolve differences peacefully.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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