Dove with Branch
January 30, 2012 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

The World Emotional Literacy League has produced an emotional skills teaching program for education based on the programs that are currently being used in selected schools.

The CD contains: 1. Taking Control of Your Life an emotional skills training program designed for High school and Junior College Students. 2. Taking Control of Your Mind an emotional skills training program designed for Junior High and High School Students, and 3. My Checklist For Life, a Life Mapping/Personal Development program, which is designed as a lifetime personal development program for all students.

A complimentary copy of this CD is available for any educator who may have an interest in these programs. Contact me at drdean@lifewithoutanger.com with your name, title, and mailing address and I will send you a copy of the CD for review.

This weekly newsletter is available free by subscription. All copies for the year are available on my website. If you enjoy this newsletter and know someone who you think may enjoy it as well, please feel free to share it with them.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, If my husband is to expect a loving relationship with me he must listen to my needs. If I need someone to listen to my problems and lend a sympathetic ear he should be willing to do that. If he doesn't learn to listen I am just going to go elsewhere to find someone to listen. All too often women end up having an affair because they are attracted to other men who will listen to them. It would be a wise thing for my husband to pay attention to my needs. - Gloria in WA

Dear Gloria, Yes it would be the wise thing for your husband to pay attention and be sympathetic to your needs, as well as you to his. There are better solutions than looking elsewhere available that would not end in breaking up the marriage. If that is the biggest problem with a marriage it can be solved with a little understanding and work; and perhaps some counseling. Most marriages that end in divorce are due to lack of skill in finding a way to get our needs met. Once we get angry we stop getting and receiving love and the marriage falls apart. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My husband has decided that he knows all the answers and is always telling me what I should do. How can we have a good relationship when he is the one who decides what we must do? - Penny in NY

Dear Penny, By deciding not to pay any attention to him, by not listening to him, by not asking for his advise, by respecting his advise and considering it. You have many choices in how you wish to respond to his habit of giving advice when being presented with a problem. If you think a satisfactory relationship is having things your way then of course as long as you look at the situation and think you are not having things your way then the relationship will not be satisfactory. He may or may not have the same problem but if you just follow his directions you won't be able to work out this important issue. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We say we would like to have peace, but it never happens. It is always the "other persons fault." There seems to be an unlimited supply of "other persons" in the world, and perhaps we are sometimes one of them ourselves. Why do we always get angry and blame the other guy when things don't go our way? It is because we think they are wrong and we are right. Isn't it possible we are both right; and both wrong when we get angry?

If we are to have peace we must learn to stop getting angry at other people. When we get angry at others we quit treating them with respect. We are no longer caring, or even open to why they think the way that they do. When we are angry we have the idea that they must do it our way, or we will make them do it. We think they are bad and should be punished. We judge them by our customs when they have been living by theirs.

We are willing to impose our power, even to the death if need be, to make them do it our way. We may be able to do this without resorting to war because they are weak. We may be happy for the moment because we have things our way. But instead of solving the problem it only sets us up for more conflict in the future. We have made an enemy that we didn't need to make! When we listen to others, understand their differences, and seek resolution we can create a peace that will be lasting.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

We tend to make ourselves the victim of our own thinking. We grow up expecting certain things out of life, and when those things don't happen, we feel cheated. When something bad happens we tend to say, "What did I ever do to deserve this?" We find it difficult just to accept what happens because we get tied up in our own expectations and attachments. We put ourselves in the victim role whenever we deny that the feeling of being a victim actually originates in our own mind, and that it is just the choice we have made about how we look at what happened.

If you find yourself thinking in terms of "How can I possibly cope with this awful situation?" you are admitting that you are a victim. Thinking about how you can just get by is victim thinking. Instead we need to think in terms of, "I am in control here." "I am the boss of my life." Until you take over the control of your life in every way, you are making yourself a victim. "Taking control," means that you are the one who makes choices about your own life based on your independent needs and thinking. It means that you are not making your choices based on what someone, or everyone, is telling you that you must or must not do.

Refuse to become the victim of your own beliefs. Whenever you discover that you have beliefs that depreciate or upset you, don't allow them to remain. Examine them and make the necessary changes to align your beliefs with your truths.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about the things that others in you family do to take advantage of you.

Tuesday: Think about ways you can respond so that your family can no longer take advantage of you.

Wednesday: Think about the ways you are mistreated at work.

Thursday: Develop new ways of responding so that you will no longer be mistreated at work.

Friday: Think about how your friends and others in the community take advantage of you.

Saturday: Develop new ways of responding so that you will no longer be mistreated by others.

Sunday: Resolve to change any beliefs that allow you to be a victim.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Information
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com
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