Dove with Branch
February, 06, 2012 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Welcome!

The World Emotional Literacy League has produced an emotional skills teaching program for education based on the programs that are currently being used in selected schools.

The CD contains: 1. Taking Control of Your Life an emotional skills training program designed for High school and Junior College Students. 2. Taking Control of Your Mind an emotional skills training program designed for Junior High and High School Students, and 3. My Checklist For Life, a Life Mapping/Personal Development program, which is designed as a lifetime personal development program for all students.

A complimentary copy of this CD is available for any educator who may have an interest in these programs. Contact me at drdean@lifewithoutanger.com with your name, title, and mailing address and I will send you a copy of the CD for review.

This weekly newsletter is available free by subscription. All copies for the year are available on my website. If you enjoy this newsletter and know someone who you think may enjoy it as well, please feel free to share it with them.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I have neighbors and close friends that have a teen son that I have been good friends with since he was a child. I enjoy spending time with him and will even take him to lunch or dinner occasionally. The problem I have is that when we go out and are enjoying each other's company, others take it wrong. They treat me like they think we are having an inappropriate relationship. It makes me uncomfortable. I really enjoy his company but I don't want others to think we are having an affair. How do you suggest I handle this? - Sarah in MO

Dear Sarah, What other people think about you is their business, and is actually none of your business. What they think is their business and you can not or should not try to control that, if you value your own happiness. What you are doing and how you feel about it is your business. If you know you are doing what is right, that should be the end of your concern. We no longer live in a society where our code of conduct and moral behavior is determined by the opinion of others. Happiness and joy come when we learn to act in our own enlightened self-interest instead of an authoritarian idea of what is right and wrong.. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My wife complains about the clothes I wear. She is always telling me to wear something different from what I have chosen. I like to wear dark slacks and shirts with bright colors. She doesn't like bright colors and thinks I should wear lighter colored slacks. Should I dress the way he wants? - Grady in IL

Dear Grady, Only if you want to! She would like you to dress differently and it is okay for her to let you know that. You, however, are the one who gets to choose what you wear. What she thinks is a factor you should consider. Ask yourself if you are doing this because it is what you want for yourself taking all things into consideration. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Over the centuries we have fought many wars in the name of freedom. People become convinced that someone is controlling, or trying to control their freedom and they are willing to go to war to gain, or protect it. We think of freedom as a circumstance of our life rather than a quality of life. We often forget that freedom is more about how we feel than our actual limitations.

When we see ourselves as free then we are free, regardless of the circumstances of our condition. When we think we are free, then we refuse to be subjugated by anyone or anything. We can even be free when we are in jail if we are there because we have chosen the acts that put us there. Freedom is a state of mind not a circumstance of life.

Freedom is a quality of life that others cannot give or take away. It is the nature of who we are. We choose to be free or not, and are only subjugated when we accept not being free. Just because others in the past have accepted not being free does not mean that we must. We lose our freedom whenever we try to take it away from others, because that is based on the belief that people can be subjugated which is a belief that creates our own fear of subjugation. When we as individual humans truly embrace freedom, then war will no longer exist.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

When parenting without anger you still need to discipline your children. You can, however, discipline them with love instead of anger. Children need to learn boundaries. They must learn the rules of our society. Teach them these things with love. Permissiveness is not love. And assertiveness is not anger. Model love for them, and they will see the value in not being fearful or angry. Remember, your child needs values, your time, and love; not things. Worthwhile values are imparted when you parent with love. The reward for this style of parenting is a happy and independent child with whom you will have a loving relationship for the rest of your life. Always, always, remember to treat your children with love.

Never accept anger from your child as appropriate behavior. Children learn to use anger when it is effective for them. They will keep using it as long as it works. Part of our job, as a parent is to not allow anger to be effective for our children. It is our job to show them a more effective way to deal with their problems. Whenever your child is angry, lovingly demonstrate to him or her that it is not appropriate behavior. Teach your child to find a more effective way of dealing with problems. As soon as your child is old enough to communicate verbally, teach them about expressing and dealing with their feelings.

Our children learn fear when we teach them that the world is a dangerous place, and that they must be fearful of dangerous things in order to protect themselves. Learn to teach them that this is a wonderful world in which good things happen when we are trusting and alert. Teach them to pay attention to provide for their well being, knowing that doing the best they can, will be enough.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how much you love your children.

Tuesday: Ask yourself if you are the best parent you can be.

Wednesday: Think about the times you get angry with your children. Ask yourself why you do that.

Thursday: Think about how you are the teacher for your child and how they learn their lessons from you.

Friday: Think about what your child can become if you teach him love and responsibility instead of fear and anger.

Saturday: Think about how you should respond when your child makes a mistake or becomes angry.

Sunday: Resolve to always teach and model love and responsibility to your child.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com

 

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