Dove with Branch
August 13, 2012 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, People are using more and more informality in business. Business owners and managers have earned the respect that goes with their position. They should be paid the respect they are due. Even the mail boy thinks its okay to call the boss by his first name. I even get letters and e-mails saying "hi" to me and I am often addressed only by my first name. I think a boss deserves more respect. - Robert in CT

Dear Robert, If it is your company, you can probably have it any way you want it. However, the person who calls you by your first name may feel that he is respecting you by considering you his equal and his friend when using your first name. He wants friendship - you want respect. You are the boss; decide how you want it in your company. When you are doing that, think about what will be the most productive and friendliest working conditions for your employees. You may want to reconsider the idea that people owe you something just because of your position. - the Dean

Dear Dean, A worker in my office is trying to get ahead by stepping on other people. He blames others for his own mistakes and claims credit for the work of others. He tries to make himself look good and others look bad in any way he can. This is frustrating because it makes me look like I am not doing good work. How do I solve this problem? - Grace in CO

Dear Grace, By doing nothing about it, and keep doing good work! If you enter into the game your fellow worker is playing it will only cause you more trouble. Your supervisor is not stupid, and will be able to figure out what is going on. You both will ultimately be recognized for what you are contributing. Don't let this negatively affect your performance. Do your best and if it isn't eventually recognized in a positive way then consider finding a workplace where it will be. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We listen to the news of what is going on in the world. We read the newspaper and get more of the same. We study history and see that this "man's inhumanity to man" has been going on forever, and it continues today. It is easy to draw the conclusion that this is our destiny. History will continue to repeat itself. That this is the human condition is an easy conclusion to draw.

If we look closely however, we see many reasons for hope. We have the desire to change. We have the capacity to learn. We have learned many lessons from our past mistakes. We now have more democratic governments than we did before. We still have too many wars, but they are more about freedom and less about conquest. Almost everyone is becoming educated to some level. We are learning how to make better choices for ourselves. We are learning to produce a higher quality of life for most people.

As more of us recognize the value of love, we move from that place of personal greed to caring for others. We do this because we realize it makes our own life better. We still act in our own self-interest. It is however an enlightened self-interest recognizing that ultimately we cannot be happy by harming others; and that this is an abundant world with plenty for all, when we learn to share. Perhaps the most important lesson is that sharing is good because it produces abundance and it produces love.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

You will not be able to enjoy a happy, intimate relationship unless you fully accept and respect the other person, and let them know that you do. "Never criticize or complain" is an important rule to follow. It will help you to reap rewards in the richness of your relationship. Never think you have the right to decide what is right, or what they should do, for your partner. To do so means that you are attempting to assume a position of power over them. If you assume that power your relationship is no longer an equal one.

Also, the other person usually will not happily accept your control. They will likely become angry and unhappy with the relationship in some way. If you are content with a relationship of power and fear this may work for you. If you want a relationship of love and joy asserting power over the other will make this impossible. Knowing in your mind that you are more capable than they are to handle certain things is no excuse to assume control.

If you respect your partner, it will be easier to deepen your friendship and love. If you don't, focus on learning how, because it is essential to the relationship. You bring certain styles and skills to the relationship and they bring others. You chose them for who they were. Respect them for who they are. Focus your attention on the things that make your mate special and that attracted you to them initially. Always, always appreciate that. Often, and with enthusiasm, tell your mate how much you love and appreciate them.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how often you criticize or complain about your mate.

Tuesday: Realize that your mate gets to choose how they want to be.

Wednesday: Resolve not to try to control your mate's choices.

Thursday: Resolve to accept your mate's choices as appropriate for them.

Friday: Resolve to respect your mate for the person that they are.

Saturday: Think about why you chose your mate.

Sunday: Resolve to love your mate just as they are.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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