Dove with Branch
October 01, 2012 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
       Welcome!

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, When we are adults we still take advice from others we trust. If we don't trust and accept the advice of others we are going to find the world a difficult place to live in. So the problem is not that we are getting advice from others. The problem is that we are getting advice from others that we don't want to follow; and we feel obligated or guilty not to follow it even though we don't want to. If the problem is that we don't want to take advice from anyone then we have a bigger problem that we need to pay attention to. The experience of others is always helpful in shaping our lives and making good decisions. - Gloria in UT

Dear Gloria, Well said! Life becomes difficult when we refuse to listen to advice. We need to learn how to consider and choose without stress. - the Dean

Dear Dean, Regarding Jim an earlier question on getting employee cooperation; if you want your employees to buy into your plans I suggest you start involving them in the decision making process. If they become part of the process they will more likely buy into the decision, even if they disagree with it. They will understand why others think it is important and that they have had a chance to have their say about it before the decision was made. Democracy is more popular than dictatorships in this country. - Terry in VA

Dear Terry, Great point! If we remain task oriented we are always looking for the best way to accomplish our goals rather than trying to force them to be done the way we think they should. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

What if we elected politicians whose job was to decide for the best interest of our society as a whole, instead of the people who voted for them? Unless we are among the lucky, powerful or rich ones who win the election we end up the losers in our present way of choosing representatives. This means that most of us end up losers while the system continues to work to the benefit of the strong and the powerful. When we have opportunities to reduce that power by such things as reducing lobbying influence or campaign spending we often fail to take advantage of that opportunity. We have learned to focus on "What's in it for me?"

The concern of the government and of those who govern should be primarily for our society as a whole. If it is not then it becomes divisive and wasteful. We will not have a peaceful and productive society until we focus on what is best for all of us, instead of what is best for us personally.

A good example of this is the desire to keep making weapons of war simply because someone will lose a job if we quit making them. Another good example is the concept many hold that if "Federal Money" is available then we should get it and spend it. We make our judgments based on the availability of the money rather than whether this is the most effective way to spend it. When we do this those who get the money win, and the rest of us lose. This is not a good way to run a society. Let's start electing representatives who are good at deciding for the best interest of all and who at least hold the interests of all that they represent above the dictates of their party.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Any time we set up specific expectations, or requirements for what must happen, or what we expect others to do in order to have happiness in our lives, we set ourselves up for anger and frustration. We are all unique individuals, and other people are not trained to, nor do they expect to meet, our every need. They are much more concerned with their own needs than they are with ours. Don't expect others to have known, or done what you would have wanted them to. Don't get stuck in the "they should have .." trap.

Satisfying and positive relationships result from our mutual caring about and assisting each other, not from obligation. While others have no obligation to meet our needs, they often find they will benefit from doing so. When we help others we often get much more in return. Being of service to others will produce much happiness. It will also remove many of the potential anger-producing situations from our life.

Too often we end up manipulating others to do things our way without even realizing it. This creates anger because it's not what they want to do and they will therefore resist us. And this resistance will cause us both to be angry.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I think about the things that I expect others to do for me.

Tuesday: I think about the things I expect of others that upset me when they do not do them.

Wednesday: I think about the things I expect from others that upset them.

Thursday: I think about how I respond when others do not meet my expectations.

Friday: Today I release the expectations I have for others.

Saturday: I do not ask others to do anything for me that I would not do for myself.

Sunday: I appreciate and rejoice in the things that others do for me because they want to.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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