Dove with Branch
December 10, 2012 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
       Welcome!

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am a young grandmother. Leslie has been my best friend since fourth grade. We have gone out to dinner every Friday night since we graduated from high school. Nothing has changed except that she has new friends and she wants to join their Friday night bowling league. She wants to have lunch on Thursdays instead. I am free then but I don't think I should have to give up my Friday dinner as our friendship has priority and seniority. - Barb in NJ

Dear Barb, Even though humans are social people all of our adult relationships should be voluntary. If someone wants a relationship to be a certain way they should be free to be that way (within the law). We can't control what others do. When we demand them to be a certain way we just set ourselves up for disappointment. Your choice is to accept the changes. Come up with an alternative that works, or end the relationship. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My daughter has married a man who doesn't provide for their family. He is unable to hold a job. She works full time and still has to do all the housework. My daughter does everything and never complains. I no longer want this no-good in my home but my daughter won't come if he is not invited. What should I do about this? - Marcie in OH

Dear Marcie, Invite the whole family to your home on appropriate occasions. Visit your daughter (and the children) at her home and elsewhere when you can. If your daughter loves this man you must accept him to continue a loving relationship with your daughter. You do not have to love him but accept him as what he is; the man your daughter loves. Allow your daughter to make her own choices and accept them. If she is happy with her choice don't try to make her unhappy. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Column 2 - Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
by Dean Van Leuven - the Dean of Peace   Globe Magnify Glass

It is helpful to think of schools as having three basic functions: 1. To educate the students in the basic skills needed for life (the three R's). 2. To train the students so that they will be able to be productive members of society and to be able to provide for their own support. 3. To learn how to think and be creative so that they and the society can prosper. This third function has been very controversial because the agenda of change and growth is perceived as not in the best self interest of many in our society. However if we are to create a Peaceful New World, this is the area of our education that we must emphasize.

The basic objective of education has been to advance the knowledge of the people. However, this goal is often distorted because self-interest groups within the society are concerned that their particular agenda be advanced. They insist that what is taught in the schools is compatible with their individual group philosophy.

To create change we must learn the skills of creating. If we are taught that the law and our government and society are always right, then what we have today is what we will always have. What change we do experience will be created out of the best interest for a few controlling individuals. When we learn to recognize the positive possibilities of change, then we will be open to, and working for positive change. The student learns from the teacher. We can all be teachers whether we are in the educational system or not. What are we going to teach our children?

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Peace can only come from within the individual. Peace cannot be imposed on people. No matter how enlightened some concept or philosophy may seem if it is not embraced by most individuals it will not create peace. It is the nature of humans to resist the things they do not understand or accept. If a concept is not accepted by society then that concept will not survive peacefully because we humans will continue to resist what we do not accept of our own free will. Thus the great revolutions we see in our history.

However true this is, it remains the nature of mankind to seek peace. To humans, love feels good, and fear and anger feel bad. We grew up in a world where the strong have dominated the weak. In our early society, before we had laws, strength; either individually, or that of the community or nation was the way we survived. Tribes banded together for their survival. Other tribes who were more aggressive banded together to provide for themselves by taking from the weaker and less aggressive tribes.

As our society evolved we saw that great power as well as wealth was to be desired. However, as we evolved intellectually we came to realize that those in power tended to look out for their own self-interests rather than those of the group. As people became more aware they refused to accept the leader of power. As the people became strong enough they began to overthrow their abusive leadership and replace it with leadership whose power is derived from the consent of the governed. That process is still going on today in many parts of the world. It is still being perfected and improved everywhere it exists as the people grow more in awareness. Gradually those governments who want to take power over their own, or other people by force, are finding it more difficult to do so.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I listen without defending.

Tuesday: Today I speak words of encouragement.

Wednesday: Today I am aware of how my actions affect others.

Thursday: Today I offer compassion.

Friday: Today I apologize to anyone I have hurt.

Saturday: Today I give myself in loving service.

Sunday: Today I find something special about everyone I meet.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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