Dove with Branch
January 14, 2013 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
       Welcome!

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My parents are always helping my sister. They never seem to be interested in my problems even though she has many and I have few. They always go to her children's birthday parties but frequently don't make it to my children's birthday parties. Why should I be treated as if I was a lesser person than my sister? - Sarah in MI

Dear Sarah, The right to receive as much support from your parents as your sister does is only in your own mind. Perhaps your parents feel you can make it on your own, but that your sister can't. They feel a different obligation than the one you think they should have. They have given you the gift of making you a responsible person. You have already received more from them than your sister ever will. Be thankful they have provided well for you. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I have an associate at work that is always trying to take credit for my work. We work on projects together then she presents them as her ideas. What can I do to protect myself from her taking all the credit and getting the recognition and promotions? - Mandy in CA

Dear Mandy, Do your work as well, and as cheerfully as you can. Your associate is playing a dangerous game. Most likely she will pay the price one day. However it is not your job to see that she does. Do your best always. Most likely your supervisor knows what is going on, and the more gracious you are the better the result will be for you. Success includes much more than money and position. Stay free of her game, and trust that being positive is the only way to be successful. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

As individuals we always make choices according to our beliefs. If we believe that the world is a dangerous place, and that everyone is out to get us, then we act accordingly. And the world will respond accordingly. Things will always end up being the way we think they are - just because we think they are that way. When we don't believe that we can have the things we want, then we won't have them. When we think this way we create for ourselves an un-enjoyable life.

Most of us want to have peace in our life; and in the world as well. The problem is we see a world where others want to take advantage of us or rule over us. They see the world in the same way. As a result we end up distrusting the motives of others and believe we have to defend ourselves from them. Most people want to be loved but don't act loving! All we have to do to have a peaceful world is to believe and act as if that is what everyone wants.

When someone does a bad thing to another, what we really want is that they never do such a thing again. If we search together for a new way of responding we can solve this problem. When we believe that they must be punished for their act; and respond accordingly; they take it as an act of aggression, and vow to continue the fight. When they learn to trust our peaceful motives they will respond with trust and we can then solve our differences in a loving way.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Most of us want to be true to our own belief systems. We want to respond the way we believe we should, rather than how we feel at the moment. Learn to follow your positive impulses in responding to situations. If you try to respond in the way you think others want you to respond, you will find it more difficult to feel good about yourself.

You probably grew up learning how to respond the way your parents and teachers told you that you should respond. You have learned those lessons from others, but you are an adult now. Now is the time to look at the way you are responding to the requests of others and make sure that you are responding the way you want to respond, not just the way you were taught. If you often don't like how you feel about what you are doing or saying, pay attention and try to determine why that is happening. Determine what changes you can make in your responses so that you will no longer be feeling negative about the actions you take.

You can learn to be in control and choose the behavior you desire. If you whine about something, remember that you have chosen that behavior. Work at seeing how self-defeating it is to whine about things. Keep looking for the times you complain about things. Refuse to accept that behavior from yourself. Change your complaining attitude to one of observing and evaluating what is going on. The thing you change by complaining is how you feel, and how others feel about you. When you complain you make yourself feel bad. You also make everyone else feel bad. Also, you will generally get a less positive response from others when you complain.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I listen to peaceful music.

Tuesday: Today I sit in a peaceful environment.

Wednesday: Today I reclaim my inner peace.

Thursday: Today I share my commitment to peace.

Friday: Today I delight in being me.

Saturday: Today I visualize world peace.

Sunday: Today I commit to resolve differences peacefully.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com
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