Dove with Branch
April 01, 2013 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
      Welcome!
 

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, We can't help it because we are short or tall, dark or light skinned. It is just the way we are born. Other people will sometimes look down on us because they think we are inferior or just different. They have learned that it is great sport to make fun of us. If we allow this to happen because we feel insecure about ourselves then we really take the fun out of life. Once you realize you are okay just the way you are you can learn to let other people talk that way without letting it bother you. - Ilene in CO

 

Dear Ilene, Right on! Some people get power over other people by picking on them. The truth of the matter is we are all equal, but don't really believe we are because our parents and the world have taught us to believe we are superior/deficient in some way. If we respond by being upset they have accomplished their purpose. Just recognize the truth that they have the right to say what they want and you have the right not to be upset by it. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, We live in a society where people "rise to the top" by stepping on other people. They think it is a "dog eat dog world" so they put us down just so they will feel better. We can't let them step on us we need to fight back. If we don't, they win and we lose. - Richard in NJ

 

Dear Richard, If we are going to operate by the same rules they do, then you are right. Under their rules the tough guy wins the game. But if you are going to enjoy life then it is not a good game to play because it is stressful and no matter how good you are, sometimes you lose. Better to play the game of life based on love and you will attract the people and the experiences to you that will make life wonderful. Ask yourself: "Do I want to enjoy this life or do I want to acquire power and possessions?" You will be surprised how much true personal power and happiness you achieve through love. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Most of us think that many of the things that are being done in our society are wrong, and if they were done differently our life would be better. We think other people are stupid, greedy, thoughtless and uncaring among other things. Most likely they are thinking the very same way we are much of the time. The other side of the coin is that if there are abuses in our society there are people who feel they benefit from those abuses and wish to maintain the status quo. If those who hold positions of power in our government benefit from their positions they are not the ones motivated by the desire to change.

 

If we want to be the ones in power so we can have things our way, then things will end up the same; only reversed. This is the way it works in our political system now. As soon as those in power have abused the system enough the ones not in power gain support, and it then becomes their turn to do the same in their own special way.

 

Until we as a society gain the understanding, integrity, and compassion to look for ways of being and doing that consider the needs and viewpoints of everyone, our system will continue to work as it does now. When we are ready to care about others as much as we care about ourselves and our own families, we will continue to do politics in this way. When we become concerned about the viewpoints and needs of everyone equally, we will create a society that is loving and nurturing for all people.

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

When parenting without anger you still need to discipline your children. You can, however, discipline them with love instead of anger. Children need to learn boundaries. They must learn the rules of our society. Teach them these things with love. Permissiveness is not love. And assertiveness is not anger. Model love for them, and they will see the value in not being fearful or angry. Remember, your child needs values, your time, and love; not things. Worthwhile values are imparted when you parent with love. The reward for this style of parenting is a happy and independent child with whom you will have a loving relationship for the rest of your life. Always, always, remember to treat your children with love.

 

Never accept anger from your child as appropriate behavior. Children learn to use anger when it is effective for them. They will keep using it as long as it works. Part of our job, as a parent is to not allow anger to be effective for our children. It is our job to show them a more effective way to deal with their problems. Whenever your child is angry, lovingly demonstrate to him or her that it is not appropriate behavior. Teach your child to find a more effective way of dealing with problems. As soon as your child is old enough to communicate verbally, teach them about expressing and dealing with their feelings.

 

Our children learn fear when we teach them that the world is a dangerous place, and that they must be fearful of dangerous things in order to protect themselves. Learn to teach them that this is a wonderful world in which good things happen when we are trusting and alert. Teach them to pay attention to provide for their well being, knowing that doing the best they can, will be enough.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about how much you love your children.

 

Tuesday: Ask yourself if you are the best parent you can be.

 

Wednesday: Think about the times you get angry with your children. Ask yourself why you do that.

 

Thursday: Think about how you are the teacher for your child and how they learn their lessons from you.

 

Friday: Think about what your child can become if you teach him love and responsibility instead of fear and anger.

 

Saturday: Think about how you should respond when your child makes a mistake or becomes angry.

 

Sunday: : Resolve to always teach and model love and responsibility to your child.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

 

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

 

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

Contact Information

web: lifewithoutanger.com
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