Dove with Branch
August 19, 2013 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
 
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My family was close when I was young but we are drifting further and further apart. I try to support my family but they never seem to care about any problems but their own. How can I get them to help me when I have problems? - Pam in IL

 

Dear Pam, Perhaps you can't. They have no obligation to help you just as you have no obligation to help them. If they still feel loving toward you they will most likely help. They may not want your help, at least in the way you offer it. They may feel helpless to help you. If they are not supporting you in the way they do each other then you would do well to find out why they are treating you differently. Ask them in a nice way! If you are giving them support but expecting something in return then you are not "giving" them support. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, I have found a wonder restaurant that I go to often. The food and the service are both really great. They have other regular customers who also go there. The problem I have is that they are loud and argumentative and often use inappropriate words. I have asked them to please be quiet but they ignore me. I have also asked the manager to speak to them but he never does. Do you have any suggestions? - Greg in WA

 

Dear Greg, Find another restaurant? You do have other options. You might let them know nicely that you (and perhaps others) are upset and ask if they could speak more quietly. You might let the manager know that you (and perhaps others) will be leaving if it continues. You could even take up a collection from the other regular diners to buy their meals elsewhere. You always have the options of choosing not to be disturbed by their behavior, or searching for a desirable lunch elsewhere. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

As individuals we always make choices according to our beliefs. If we believe that the world is a dangerous place, and that everyone is out to get us, then we act accordingly. And the world will respond accordingly. Things will always end up being the way we think they are - just because we think they are that way. When we don't believe that we can have the things we want, then we won't have them. When we think this way we create for ourselves an un-enjoyable life.

 

Most of us want to have peace in our life and in the world as well. The problem is we view the world as a place where others want to take advantage of us or rule over us. Many others see the world in the same way. As a result we end up distrusting the motives of others and believe we have to defend ourselves from them. Most people want to be loved but don't act loving! All we have to do to have a peaceful world is to believe and act as if that is what everyone wants.

 

When someone does a bad thing, what we really want is that they never do such a thing again. If we search together for a new way of responding we can solve this problem. When we believe that they must be punished for their act; and respond accordingly; they take it as an act of aggression, and vow to continue the fight. When they learn to trust our peaceful motives they will respond with trust and we can then solve our differences in a loving way.

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Humor is a good way to divert you attention from a stressful situation so that you can more easily accept and deal with it. You experience what you are focusing on. With your focus on humor, you are focusing on positive emotions. The anxiety of anticipating something is greatly lessoned by focusing on the humor. When you anticipate the stress, you then feel the pain. The basic rule is that what you dwell on becomes yours. Joke with the dentist when he is pulling your tooth, and you will have less pain. The story of Doctor Patch Adams and how he uses humor in healing his medical patients is a great example of what humor can do for us. Other doctors have successfully used laughter as a cure. This works because we shift into our positive emotions when we laugh.

 

We use humor all of the time in our society as a way of deflecting the stress and other negative emotions in our lives. The reason why the best professional comedians are so popular and well respected is that they have a powerful positive effect on our emotions. Erma Bombeck, Robin Williams, George Burns, Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Bill Cosby, and many more have become immortal because they help us to see the world's problems - and our own - including the things that upset us - in a new light, a laughable light.

 

Take the opportunity whenever you can to look, read, or listen to humor - and take the time to appreciate it. Make it a practice to tell others about the things you see that are especially funny to you.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I decide to look at the funny side of life.

 

Tuesday: Every time I feel stressed about something I stop and look for a humorous way of looking at the event.

 

Wednesday: Whenever I do something that brings on stress I stop for a moment and find the humor in it.

 

Thursday: Today I read the comics and find something funny in each comic strip.

 

Friday: Today I watch a funny movie or a comic on TV.

 

Saturday: Today I laugh about whatever is troubling me.

 

Sunday: I resolve to find the humor in each and every event that occurs in my life.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

 

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Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

 

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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