Dove with Branch
November 04, 2013 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, In order to maintain the lifestyle demanded by my family I have a job with a long stressful commute. When I get home from my long day I am tired and need some quite time. My family seems unable to provide the quiet and peaceful atmosphere necessary for my sanity. The children are always arguing or playing loudly and my wife fails to keep them quiet. How can I get them to be quiet so I can maintain my sanity? - Allen in VA

 

Dear Allen, I know that you are feeling the effects of a stressful day. You may feel that since you have been out there supporting your family that they should cater to your needs. However this is not the case. The need for peace and quiet is your problem not theirs. If you can't join in the fun in good humor then you need to find a place where you can go and experience the quiet time you seek. The last thing you want to do is get upset and be angry with them. This will not only make your immediate problem worse but it may also have some very negative long term effects as well. Perhaps you could learn to look at your children's interaction as a pleasant experience. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, I want to have a small tattoo on my arm like most of the other kids in my school do but my parents refuse to allow it no matter how hard I argue. I have explained that the other kids are doing it and I have been willing to pay for it from the money I earn babysitting, but they still refuse. If I am not allowed to be like my friends I am not accepted by the group. How do I get my parents to realize how unfair they are being? - Michelle in CA

 

Dear Michelle, You should state your case and your reasons clearly and completely to your parents. They will listen if you remain polite and not argumentative. You need to accept their decision if they say no. The fact that all of your friends are doing it may not be a sufficient reason for you to be allowed to do it. It is reasonable to be required to live by your parents' values unless they are illegal or unhealthy. When you are an adult you will be able to make your own choices. Until you become an adult it is your task to accept your parents' choices. Until you become an adult think of yourself as a person in training. You can work on which rules you want to keep as an adult and be ready to take control of your life at that point. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

 

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Let us stop for a moment and reflect on some of the more practical reasons for learning to live together in peace: We produce products from our limited resources at a considerable cost in time, labor and materials. The products we produce enhance our quality of life. The amount of time, labor and resources are all limited in supply. When we produce goods for war we are using some of our limited resources The need to use our resources to protect ourselves from others or to settle differences comes as a great price to our quality of life. We have tried to war while trying to carry on our normal way of life and find we have made a mess out of the economy.

 

Yet when we say we want to quit making weapons of war we hear complaints that it hurts the economy because people are losing jobs. If we reflect for a moment, we realize that if we weren't making war machines we could use our resources to increase our quality of life.

 

How much does it cost us to learn to love, trust and care for each other on this planet? Is it more than the cost of war? I don't think it is. I think we need to spend more effort on increasing our quality of life so that we won't have the need to defend ourselves from each other. The need for war is simply a state of mind. Let's change our state of mind!

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

A Rule To Make Choices By: For everything that happens in our life, there are three possibilities: (1) We can change it, (2) We can leave it, or (3) We can accept it. With each event in our life we need to make this choice.

 

For example, consider your work. You may not be happy with it just the way it is. Is there a way you might change it to make it better? If that is not possible, then your next choice might be to leave it. That may not be possible for the present, because you may need the work in order to eat, or pay the rent. You then can choose to accept your work, or you may choose to make a plan to change to new employment in the future. If you choose to make a change later, then you need to make the decision to accept your work for now. As with all of life's experiences, if we don't find a way to make our work experience a positive one, then we are left with negative emotions in our lives. To remove any anger or other negative emotions from your life, you need to apply this principle of change it, leave it, or accept it each time you need to make a choice. The important thing is to remember that if you can't change something and are not going to leave it that the only choice left for you is to accept it.

 

If you decide to go to work because you must have the money for food and shelter but you would prefer other work then make some effort to find or prepare yourself for other work. In the meantime you have chosen to go to work tomorrow, so go there with a happy face and enjoy it.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about something in your life that you are not happy about at the moment.

 

Tuesday: Think about why you are unhappy about it.

 

Wednesday: Think about how you can change it to make it better for you.

 

Thursday: Think about the possibility of no longer having this event or person in your life.

 

Friday: Think about something you have decided to do anyway that make you unhappy.

 

Saturday: Think about how being unhappy about the things you have chosen to do upsets you.

 

Sunday: Resolve to always accept and be happy with the things you have chosen to do.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

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