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Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2013 09:21:15 -0500 (EST)
From: "Dr. Dean Van Leuven" <drdean@centurylink.net>
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To: inbox@jurgensis.com
Subject: Inner Peace Newsletter 12-23-2013
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Dove with Branch
December 23, 2013 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
      Welcome!
 

This weekly newsletter is available free by subscription. All copies are available on my website.

 

If you enjoy this newsletter and know someone who you think may enjoy it as well, please feel free to share it with them.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am staying at home because I have recently retired. My wife never makes the bed or cleans up the breakfast mess until late in the day. It is difficult fro me to see this mess and nothing being done about it. How can I get her to clean it up? - Perry in MO

 

Dear Perry, You can suggest doing something that she wants done in return for her making the bed and cleaning. Better yet, do the dishes for her in trade for some other chore. Consider sharing her work so that she gets to share in the retirement. Best of all, why don't you just do the cleaning in a cheerful way and ask her if there are any more chores she would like to have done while you are at it? The messy house in the morning is a problem for you, but apparently not for her. Complaining and demanding that others do things your way are not positive ways to solve problems. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, I am getting married again and would like to have a formal wedding and an elaborate reception much like my first wedding. My intended is happy with that but my mother and my best friend tell me that it would be improper because it is not appropriate for a second marriage. It is not a question of my parents paying for the wedding. The question is: Would it be appropriate when others close to me feel it is not? - Grace in NC

 

Dear Grace, The primary question is: Is this wedding for the couple or for their friends or family? Only you and your intended can answer that. If it is important to you to have a large formal wedding then why not have it; unless of course your friends' opinions are more important to you than your own. You have valued relationships with each of those people. You should make your own decisions based on your own beliefs. Consider their requests, but make a decision based on what you think is right for you and your fiancée under the circumstances. If you decide not to follow your friends' advice tell them so in a loving way. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

 

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Sometimes it pays to step back and look at things with a little broader perspective. We knew we were losing people in hospitals through carelessness. But we never really stopped to reflect on how serious the problem was and what we could do prevent those unnecessary deaths. When we got to the point that we were losing nearly 100,000 people a year we finally paid attention.

 

We finally decided it was a problem that needed fixing. We created a task force to come up with solutions. We developed new procedures to deal with the most common problems. It has been so successful that we are saving over 80,000 thousand lives a year.

 

This is a great example of what we can do when we pay attention, and start looking for solutions. Let's celebrate this success by taking on another project. We could spend more effort on several of our major problems such as traffic deaths, drug abuse, or smoking. War seems to be the problem that causes a lot of needless deaths and suffering. Let's pay as much attention to it! Maybe we can start by creating a Department of Peace to search for non-lethal solutions to conflict and even prevention of domestic abuse. We can learn and teach new beliefs that would avoid most of these problems.

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
World Peace

Children need to learn boundaries. They must learn the rules of our society. Teach them these things with love. Permissiveness is not love. And assertiveness is not anger. Model love for them, and they will see the value in not being fearful or angry. Remember, your child needs values, your time, and love; not things. Worthwhile values are imparted when you parent with love. The reward for this style of parenting is a happy and independent child with whom you will have a loving relationship for the rest of your life. Always, always, remember to treat your children with love.

 

Never accept anger from your child as appropriate behavior. Children learn to use anger when it is effective for them. They will keep using it as long as it works. Part of our job, as a parent is to not allow anger to be effective for our children. It is our job to show them a more effective way to deal with their problems. Whenever your child is angry, lovingly demonstrate to him or her that it is not appropriate behavior. Teach your child to find a more effective way of dealing with problems. As soon as your child is old enough to communicate verbally, teach them about expressing and dealing with their feelings.

 

Our children learn fear when we teach them that the world is a dangerous place, and that they must be fearful of dangerous things in order to protect themselves. Learn to teach them that this is a wonderful world in which good things happen when we are trusting and alert. Teach them to pay attention to provide for their well being, knowing that doing the best they can, will be enough.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about the love you have for your children.

 

Tuesday: Recognize that you want your children to have a happy and enjoyable life.

 

Wednesday: Recognize that your children learn their lessons in life from you.

 

Thursday: Remember that if you model anger, your children will learn anger.

 

Friday: Recognize that if your child makes a mistake it is because he/she has not yet learned the lesson.

 

Saturday: Resolve to teach your children how to correct their mistakes in a loving way.

 

Sunday: Resolve to teach your children to love and trust the world.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.

 

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.

 

Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.

 

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

If you wish to no longer receive this newsletter please send a reply which includes "unsubscribe" and the existing subject line in the reply.

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Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com
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