Dove with Branch
February 24, 2014 Insights From the Dean of Peace
 
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, Business relationships have become very casual and informal. Sometimes workers on the production line even call me by my first name. I have earned the respect through schooling and hard work. I should be paid the respect I am due. . I get e-mails saying hi to me. I think I deserve more respect than that. - Raymond in NY

 

Dear Raymond, If it is your company, you can probably have it any way you want it. However, the person who calls you by your first name may feel that he is respecting you by considering you his equal and his friend when using your first name. He wants friendship - you want respect. You are the boss; decide how you want it in your company. When you are doing that, think about what will be the most productive and friendliest working conditions for your employees. You may want to reconsider the idea that people owe you something just because of your position. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, A worker in my office is causing many hard feelings. She is trying to get ahead by making other people look bad. She blames others for her mistakes and tries to take credit for our work. She tries to make my supervisor think I am not doing a good job. How do I solve this problem? - Sandy in CA

 

Dear Sandy, By doing nothing about it! If you enter into the game your fellow worker is playing, it will only cause you more trouble. Your supervisor is not stupid, and will be able to figure out what is going on. You both will ultimately be recognized for what you are contributing. Don't let this negatively affect your performance. Do you're best and if it isn't recognized in a positive way then you need to find a place to work where you will be recognized. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

 

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

9/11 was a significant event in world history that we do not want to have repeated. How well are we doing so far? We have entered into a "war against terrorism" so that those events will not be repeated. It seems more like punishment to those who have carried out or advocated violence against our country. Apparently we believe that punishment is more important than prevention. Violence begets violence. We want to stop violence. I don't believe that punishment (or eradication) is the best solution for preventing further problems?

 

If we really want to stop violence from continuing, we must try to understand why people hated us so much they were willing to give their own lives to punish us. Within their belief system, they have enough reason to hate us that they are willing to sacrifice their own lives to punish us for who we are and what we "have done" to them. If we want to solve the problem without more violence from them we must give up violence ourselves. We must not condemn their beliefs just because of what they have done.

 

Respect their differences. Seek a way to live in a world where we accept and respect each others right to be, and to choose for ourselves. Let's tell them this is the way we feel and that we seek a way to resolve our differences without imposing our beliefs on them. Let's put the days of the crusades behind us and live together in an interesting new world.

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Satisfying and positive relationships result from our mutual caring about and assisting each other, not from obligation. While others have no obligation to meet our needs, they often find that they benefit from doing so. When we help others, we often get much more in return. Being of service to others will provide much happiness. It will also remove many of the potential negative emotion producing situations from our life.

 

Too often we end up manipulating others to do things our way, without even realizing it. This creates negative feelings because it is not what they want to do and they will therefore resist us. And this resistance will cause us both to be upset. This takes energy that could better be used in more constructive ways. Learn not to impose your own expectations on others. Learn not to expect from others. Learn to be your own person and learn to honor the rights of others to be their own person. If you think that the world or some other person owes you something, then you have set yourself up for negative feelings whenever the things you think should happen don't happen. When you learn not to expect from others both they and you will end up being happier and more fulfilled.

 

Furthermore, the expectations of others are going to be different than yours, and when you assume they are going to be, or think they should be, the same as yours you cause yourself problems. We create conflict for ourselves all the time by assuming that others expect what we expect.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I recognize that others are not obligated to do things the way I would like them done.

 

Tuesday: I do not expect others to do things my way.

 

Wednesday: I appreciate it when others do things even if it isn't just the way I would like.

 

Thursday: I will refrain from manipulating others to do things my way.

 

Friday: I do not expect others to do things just the way I would like them done.

 

Saturday: It is okay for others to do things differently than I do.

 

Sunday: I honor the opinions of others just as I honor my own opinions.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

 

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