Dove with Branch
May 19, 2014

Insights From the

Dean of Peace

 
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, Occasionally my boss asks me to stay after work to finish up a rush job. This is not good for me because I have children who come home after school and I need to be there for them. I am upset because this is not a good situation for me. . What can I say to my boss when he asks me to stay and help him? - Laura in VA

 

Dear Laura, I assume that you are not required to stay by your work agreement. Since staying is voluntary on your part you can simply say no. I suggest that you explain why you are unable to stay, adding that you would like to help but can't in this way. Try not to be stressed by his request as that will affect your work relationship. Think he has a right to ask - I have a right to say no - and let it go. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, My wife and I both work the same hours. When we get home at night she wants to unwind and spend some "quality time" with the kids before she prepares dinner. We get home at five and we never eat before eight. The problem is that by that time I am starving. How can I get her to fix dinner first and then play with the kids? - David in AZ

 

Dear David, You don't mention that the kids are complaining. It looks like this arrangement is working well for everyone but you. Unless you had an agreement about this with her that she is not honoring it seems you have little to complain about. Have a family conference and find a solution that will work well for the family. Having a snack or preparing dinner for yourself, or even the whole family, should not be out of the question. Maybe they would like having dinner on your schedule if you prepared it. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

 

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Contrary to all of the strife we have in the world, I get the feeling that peace is breaking out all over. I feel this way because of all the e-mail I am receiving from people telling me about their own personal peace projects and what other groups are doing; stories about churches and universities that are establishing peace centers. The common thread that runs through all of these is that they are positive centers for peace and are not established as resistance movements.

 

It looks as if we are really beginning to learn the lesson that we do not establish peace by fighting wars. Fighting against war is not peace. It is just another kind of war. We think that to fight for peace is justified because of the purpose, but it is still war! It is impossible to be peaceful when we are fighting for anything. If we are going to have peace the first thing we must learn is to stop fighting, even for good stuff like peace. The very fight itself produces a lack of peace.

 

When we have learned to be at peace with ourselves and those around us then we will be able to create peace in the world. As long as there is power in the belief we can impose our way on others or solve our differences through force we cannot be peaceful. The more of us who achieved this, the more peace we will have. Learn peace - act in peace - teach peace - and we will have peace.

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

As we grow we are taught certain ideas of how the world is - by our society, and by those around us - our parents, our teachers, and our friends. We take all of this in and form our own idea of how the world is. We then form expectations of how things should happen in order to fit with our own special idea of how the world is. When things don't happen that way; when reality doesn't match our idea of what the world is or what we think it should be; we get fearful or angry.

 

We need to realize that our idea of how the "world is," is only our ideal world, as we see it, not the real world at all. If what is happening in the world doesn't conform to your idea of what should be happening, then take it as a clue that your ideal world does not actually match the real world. If you could accept the idea that what is happening in the real world is appropriate for the present state of the world, then you would have nothing to be angry about.

 

To change the world we start by accepting it as it is. It is a little bit like buying an old house and then fixing it up to make it our dream home. We start by accepting it for what it is now. We then go to work making it what we want it to be, and keep at it until the change is complete.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about something that a neighbor or associate does that upsets you and ask yourself why you are upset.

 

Tuesday: Think about this problem in relation to the bigger issue of living together in peace.

 

Wednesday: Think about the problem from your neighbor or associate's point of view.

 

Thursday: Consider possible positive solutions to the problem.

 

Friday: Look for a way to solve this problem to both you and your neighbor or associate's satisfaction.

 

Saturday: Choose the solution that you think will be the most effective.

 

Sunday: Implement the solution you have chosen.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

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