Dove with Branch
March 16, 2015 Insights From the Dean of Peace
 
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, We can't help it because we are short or tall, dark or light skinned. It is just the way we are born. Other people will sometimes look down on us because they think we are inferior or just different. They have learned that it is great sport to make fun of us. If we allow this to happen because we feel insecure about ourselves then we really take the fun out of life. Once you realize you are okay just the way you are you can learn to let other people talk that way without letting it bother you.We can't help it because we are short or tall, dark or light skinned. It is just the way we are born. Other people will sometimes look down on us because they think we are inferior or just different. They have learned that it is great sport to make fun of us. If we allow this to happen because we feel insecure about ourselves then we really take the fun out of life. Once you realize you are okay just the way you are you can learn to let other people talk that way without letting it bother you. - Verna in MD

 

Dear Verna, Right on! Some people get power over other people by picking on them. The truth of the matter is we are all equal, but don't really believe we are because our parents and the world have taught us to believe we are superior/deficient in some way. If we respond by being upset they have accomplished their purpose. Just recognize the truth that they have the right to say what they want and you have the right not to be upset by it. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, We live in a society where people "rise to the top" by stepping on other people. They think it is a "dog eat dog world" so they put us down just so they will feel better. We can't let them step on us we need to fight back. If we don't, they win and we lose. - Ken in CO

 

Dear Ken, If we are going to operate by the same rules they do, then you are right. Under their rules the tough guy wins the game. But if you are going to enjoy life then it is not a good game to play because it is stressful and no matter how good you are, sometimes you lose. Better to play the game of life based on love and you will attract the people and the experiences to you that will make life wonderful. Ask yourself: "Do I want to enjoy this life or do I want to acquire power and possessions?" You will be surprised how much true personal power and happiness you achieve through love. - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

 

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

It is natural to want things to be our way. It is also natural for other people to disagree with us when they want things to be a different way. That is just the way the world works. How we respond to this is a matter of choice on our part. Many of us have learned to respond to disagreement by others as a threat to our achieving what we want - in some case even a threat to our very existence. We see a "dog eats dog" world and we have to fight for our survival. As long as we look at the world that way life will always be a struggle and war will always exist.

 

We don't need to give up acting in our own self-interest to find a better solution to this dilemma. All we need to do is realize that it is in our own best interest to find a peaceful resolution to the conflicts arising in our life and then act in such a way that the other party(s) involved will be able to come to the same realization.

 

Nonviolent conflict resolution is something we started formally when we created the legal system. Our legal system has served us well in solving our differences within our own community. If we expand our idea of our own community to include the whole world we can develop a system of conflict resolution that will allow us to resolve our differences in a positive and non-threatening way. Once we do this, winning through force will no longer be the most effective conflict resolution tool - and we will be able to resolve our differences peacefully.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Realize that what you are thinking may be hurting you. Choose to replace your negative thoughts with loving positive thoughts. People want to be loved. If you hold back your anger and give them love instead they will respond in a positive way.

 

When others are positive, it is easier for you to be positive. Ask yourself, "If I was feeling love, what would I do now?" Realize that the other person is not intentionally trying to hurt you. They are just doing the best they can. Do not blame other people for not playing by the rules. They are playing by the rules, "their rules." They are living their life, not yours. We all have some rules of our society that we do not accept. Others are entitled to reject different ones than you do.

 

Remember that you have no right to control other people. The fact that they have done something you think is wrong gives you no right to control them or try to change them, unless of course you are a policeman and a law has been violated. Remind yourself of this when you are upset at how others are acting. Once you tell yourself, "I do not control what other people do," it is easier to free yourself from the anger that results when others are not doing things the way you feel they should be done.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Make a list of the things that upset you the most about your family.

 

Tuesday: Think of a new positive way of feeling about each item on your list.

 

Wednesday: Think of the things that upset you the most about your work.

 

Thursday: Think of a new positive way of feeling about each item on your list.

 

Friday: Make a list of the things that upset you the most about your government.

 

Saturday: Think of a new positive way of feeling about each item on your list.

 

Sunday: Resolve to develop new positive responses for anything you find upsetting in your life.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

 

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

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