Dove with Branch
April 27, 2015

Insights From

the Dean of Peace

 

Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,
 
   Welcome!
 

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My younger brother and I had an extremely difficult relationship. I see him only at family gathering and we end up fighting and leaving angry with each other. He is an angry person and it is difficult to be around him. I do miss him and feel guilty can you offer some suggestions on how to resolve this difference? - Sam in GA

 

Dear Sam, Your brother is just the way he is. Your relationship with him depends on your ability to be reasonably comfortable with his anger; or to find a way so that you no longer experience it. You obviously care about your family and would like to get along, thus you have created a dilemma for yourself. You must make a choice. Possible choices include: 1. Learning how to not to be affected by his anger. 2. Getting him not to display him anger in your presence. 3. No longer being around him. 4. Being with him only when there is someone else present to deflect the anger. 5. No longer spending any talking with him at all. Only you know which answer is best for you. If you can accomplish the first suggestion it may provide other great benefits in your life as well. Consider taking responsibility for your reaction to his anger and seeking some understanding of how to change your reaction. My book "Life Without Anger" would be helpful in allowing you to be able to spend acceptable, and perhaps even pleasurable time with your brother; as well as derive other benefits in your life. - the Dean

 

Dear Dean, I appreciate the helpful tips and find if I really pay attention to them they make life work better for me. - Vera in MO

 

Dear Vera, Thanks for the kind words! - the Dean

 

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.

 

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

In the past our efforts have been primarily a resistance to war (ban the bomb). We have not found war good and we have been fighting a campaign against war and its horrors instead of going on a search for peace. Gandhi was successful in uniting and mobilizing his people to free them from the oppressive rule of the British. Once that immediate problem was solved the Hindus and the Muslims turned on each other and broke his heart. The people of India united to solve a common problem but they were not able to forget the perceived differences between themselves and live in peace. The path looks more promising for the work of Martin Luther King Jr., because we are still making measurable progress on racial equality. However many of us would like to see us moving forward at a faster pace.

 

Until now, perhaps no other path was possible because we had not yet developed a sufficient amount of peace in our individual hearts to be able to experience peace in the world. Remember, no matter how much we think we might want something we are still going to out-picture the kind of world that we feel on the inside. The answer to our problem will not appear until we have sufficient awareness to understand it. The answer is already there, we just haven't seen it yet.

 

Theoretically this shift in awareness could happen overnight. However, from my experience I believe there is still a lot of work yet to be done. When enough of us are able to find that elusive peace in our heart then the change will happen rather quickly.

 

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

In order to have World Peace we must first learn a way of living that allows us to always experience Personal Peace. Personal Peace comes from the way we view and respond to the world around us. Our own personal world and the way we feel about it is determined by the way we chose to respond rather than by what actually happens to us.

 

Whatever happens is simply what happens. How we choose to view it is determined by our own personal belief system, the way we look at things, and how we feel about all of the stuff that has happened to us in the past. How we feel, and how we respond to something always comes from our own personal choice that we make at the moment the event or thought occurs to us.

 

Most of us have learned to judge events as either good or bad and respond accordingly. This is the way our parents and the world have taught us how to deal with things. We are taught that we are supposed to feel bad, or angry, when certain things happen. Too often we make a judgment that things are bad and then respond from our negative emotions, instead of being able to calmly think about what happened before we choose how to respond. Emotional choices limit us to responses based on our past.

 

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Today I think of the Love I receive from others.

 

Tuesday: Today I will listen with an open heart.

 

Wednesday: Today I will take time to be with my family.

 

Thursday: : Today I take time to appreciate nature..

 

Friday: Today I act in kind and loving ways.

 

Saturday: Today I smile, have fun and laugh.

 

Sunday: Today I help someone in need.

 

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

 

Additional Notes
 

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

 

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I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

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